I hated high school. I had a horrible high school experience and couldn't wait to get away from all the people who treated me so badly. I couldn't understand why my life was turning out the way it was, when I had nothing to do with it in the first place. People were constantly gossiping about me, and spreading rumors, and I couldn't take it anymore. They didn't know what burdens I was carrying in my heart. They didn't know what I was struggling with. But they chose to treat me that way regardless.
Then, I graduated. Suddenly, it was okay for the people who had treated me so horribly to apologize to me and try to make amends. I forgave them, but the scars are still there. Sometimes, they hurt so much I physically ache. There are some days I can't think about anything but how I was treated and what I went through in high school. Even my family doesn't know everything that I went through or how it truly affected me.
I was talking to my co-workers the other day about whether or not they'd change things in their life if they could go back in time and do things over again. Most of them said no (which I also said) but secretly I wanted to. I wanted to go back and change my attitude, change the things I did, change the way I felt about myself. If only I knew then what I know now.
But then, suddenly, I realized that if I could do that, I might change things in a negative way. Would I be as sympathetic to gossip and bullying as I am now? Would I want to rise up and fight for justice for those who were downtrodden and who cried out for help and understanding? Would I feel such a strong sense of right and wrong when it came to the situations I, myself, had been in? Would I learn to be okay with myself? I don't know... Maybe. But probably not.
You can never change the past. You can never change what people choose to do. That's not part of the plan. What you can change is how you let it affect your life, how you grow from it, or how it guides you in the decisions you make down the road.
So I just want to put it out there. How has an experience molded you into the person you are today? How has it set the path for your life and the choices you have and will make? Don't be afraid to share. I am not afraid to share my story, if you really want to hear it. Just let me know.
3 comments:
Cass sometime when we are together I will share a few thoughts on this topic. Learn from it! Sounds like you are! Love ya Colette
Cass, you are so wonderful. I know you had a hard time and I spent many nights crying for the hurt I felt for you. Those kids were so mean, but you are a better person for having gone through it. You are not alone in thinking what you would do differently, but none of us can change the past just move forward with all we have learned. I love you and appreciate the wonderful woman you have become. You will be a wonderful mother someday,hopefully not too far in the future. :)
i think that everyone has a period in their life they wonder why. Mine is so completely different from yours but looking back wouldn't change it at all because it's helped me so much now during trying times. You have taught me MORE than you will ever know and I thank you for that. I love you sis can't wait to see you at thanksgiving.
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