Random thoughts...

good times.

2011-12-31T17:55:00.000-08:00

You wanna read a funny blog... read this one or this one or both. They're written by the same girl (Kendi). This one is a fashion blog, and this one is a normal blog about her life - not that fashion is abnormal. Honestly I've spent many a night laughing my guts out at her witty and sarcastic sense of humor. One day I'd like to meet this Kendi.... just sayin'.

he + me = we.

2011-12-28T19:17:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. I was engaged once before Chris. The man I thought I loved didn't love me back. At least not in the way you should love someone you're going to promise yourself to for eternity. Although it ended terribly, it put me in the perfect place to fall in love with someone who would love me back for eternity, despite myself. After that disastrous relationship, I was in a really bad place. I made a lot of poor choices which could have made my life much more difficult than it already was. When I found Chris and he opened his heart to me, it made my life worthwhile. I wanted to be with him. When he whispered - sheepishly - those three small words to me, all the pain, suffering, anger, and disappointment I had been feeling for so many years was gently laid to rest. He took my heart and dipped it in the healing balm of acceptance and pure love. Although my soul was still a little ragged and scarred, it didn't matter. I realized I still had the capacity to love and plenty of room left in it to love this man. His love had changed me but what was left was a new, clean, white canvas. Together we could paint the life I had always dreamed of. The minute he held me close and told me he loved me was the minute my new life began.

I bring you the scraps that make up my soul - you make me whole.

not fair.

2011-10-08T11:57:00.001-07:00

things that aren't fair:

pregnant women who look better than me
women who have had 5 kids who look better than me
snow in the beginning of october
starting the day feeling great and having my head revolt halfway through
stinky feet
not being a millionaire
having to work on a saturday

things that are wonderful:

watching the sun stream through the snow/rain clouds through my window at work
getting random texts from my mom telling me she loves me
finding out my nephew taught his friends the 'food dance' that i so lovingly bestowed upon him
knowing my husby and my brother can hang out without me cause they're friends
my new purse (newish - we're still in the honeymoon stage)
my fake glasses that make my tired self look much better than reality

...

2011-09-25T19:54:00.001-07:00

Would anyone like to volunteer to put me through school and also cover all expenses while I go so I can stop working and just focus on school? Anyone? Because it's a really good investment, I swear.

連愛。

2011-08-05T23:56:00.000-07:00

クリスカーカムが大好き。

I don't think I can ever fully explain how much my husband means to me. He has been a consistent source of strength to me since day one (well.... day one of our relationship. I don't think he really noticed I existed on day one.)

We met years ago... 17 to be precise. In a small branch on Yakota Air Force base in Fussa, Japan. Both our dads served in the Air Force at the time and for me, it was love at first sight. A 3 year age difference couldn't stand in the way of destiny. (The hubster is convinced that I was boy crazy and he wasn't my true love, but I know the truth.)

As solid proof of our meant-to-be-togetheredness (that's a word and I'm stickin' to it.), please refer to exhibit A:

As you can see, he was so obviously into me at the time, but for appearances sake he had to stick close to the kids his age (including my beautiful sis).

Oh well, gee whiz, since you asked so politely I'll just post one more from this glorious day of old.

That's me, bottom right. Come on. Who wouldn't fall for that mug?

So back to this tale of epic love, eventually all good things must come to a (temporary) end, and sadly, hub's family moved back to the states. Mine wasn't far behind, and due to fate, destiny, the magic of love... we ended up in Layton, Utah, where his family just so happened to be living.

Remember my lovely sis? The one in the 1st playground picture? She became pretty good friends with the husby during high school. They even got married. See exhibit B:

Oh you... you didn't think I was serious did you? This is MY love story, not hers. They did go to prom though, and it confuses my poor nephew to this day why Uncle Chris and mama are dressed up and holdin' hands instead of Auntie Cass.

Now onto the more serious part of the story...

After my sister and Chris graduated from highschool, my family moved to Nebraska where I was uprooted from my comfort zone and put into what I like to affectionately call it "high school hell". For real folks, I was not happy here at all. I was bullied, treated bad, and some pretty awful things happened to me. Needless to say, I made it through high school but not without my fair share of scars and baggage. I was not in a good place spiritually or emotionally, but I tried my best to hide it and move on. After a brief stint at BYU-Idaho, I moved back home, determined to get myself in order. I met a man, we got engaged (really quickly), and broke up (really quickly). For the next 7 months, I licked my wounds and attempted to heal my broken heart with a succession of one bad choice after another.

While living in New York, I decided to call Chris after a conversation with a mutual friend. I wasn't expecting anything out of it other than to talk to an old friend. When we talked, it was strange because we hadn't been very close before and it was like we had everything in common. We talked every night for the next few months. One day I realized that if I wanted to be with someone like him, I needed to make some major changes in my life. I wasn't active in church at the time and I wasn't taking care of myself. He motivated me to make these changes and so I did. I stopped making some of the choices I'd been making, I started going back to church. I wanted to be the type of girl Chris wanted to marry.

And guess what.... 2 years later, my plan paid off. We were married for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake temple on 11/4/06. It was wonderful and perfect and exactly what I wanted.

And in the end, all the things I'd done, all the choices I'd made, and mistakes that had messed up my life didn't matter. Because Chris loved me with all his heart and despite anything I'd done. He accepted me and taught me the meaning of true love.

So to Chris - I love you. You are my best friend. 　心から愛しております。

2011-07-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

Oh boy. I haven't posted in a while. Woops. Sorry, life just gets in the way.

This weekend was our Kremin family reunion. I look forward to this all year because it's one of the few times I can see all (ok, most) of my family in one place, especially those who I don't see at all the rest of the year. We drove up Friday night, getting in late. It was a long drive up to Squirrel Creek Lodge in Ashton, ID. It was a beautiful location, surrounded by trees and nature. We slept like babies that night, in a lodge, after a night full of laughter and games with cousins, aunts and uncles. The next morning, Chris woke up to what was lovingly referred to as "the sickness". He was sick all day and I was stressed.

As most people know, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Just a bit. Ok that's a lie. It's more like my fear of illness takes over my life sometimes, particularly if the illness around me is contagious. I can function fine and get myself from day to day, but my heart beats a million miles a minute, my mind races, I get the shakes, and I cry at random (and often inconvenient) times. It cannot be helped. No matter how clean I keep myself, the distance I stay away from the sick people, how much I try to calm myself down, I find my anxieties eating away at me constantly. If you aren't like this, you probably can't understand how difficult it is to try and overcome. I can laugh and laugh about it all day long, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a struggle with me almost every single day of my life.

So while Chris was sick in bed, dying (exaggeration) of the sickness, and I was checking on him every couple of hours, I was also fighting this unstoppable urge to completely panic. My mom and dad tried their best to help me stay calm and relax and just try and enjoy the rest of the day. This was not working. I even tried napping, which helped me not to panic for a couple hours... while I was asleep and couldn't think about it. When I woke up, I finally asked my dad to give me a blessing for comfort and then to give Chris a blessing of healing.

My dad gave me a quick blessing in the quiet of the living room in the lodge. It was just me and him and the second it was done, I felt my heart slow down, my mind clear, and I knew it would all be okay. Dad and Uncle Bill then gave Chris a blessing with some anointed oil and within hours, he was free of symptoms of his illness and left with an overwhelming desire to sleep and regain his lost energy.

No one can or will ever be able to make me doubt the power of the priesthood. This is not the first time I've asked for a blessing, nor will it be the last. Maybe my family is an oddity because growing up my dad made sure we all knew that he was available and willing to give us blessings whenever we felt that we needed one. I can't count the number of blessing I've received from my dad. Because of that, I know that the priesthood is powerful and exists. I know this because no matter what the blessing was for, it worked for me. Maybe not in the way I expected, but without fail, every single time I've been given peace and clarity and calm. Once I got married, they tapered off and now I go to my wonderful husband for them. He's also available when I need and even though he sometimes gets nervous, he has never denied me a blessing.

I know my Heavenly Father knows me because He never fails to give me just what I need when I ask for it. He comforts me, gives me peace, and helps me through my struggles, whether they're physical, mental, or spiritual. He is my Father, my friend, my confidante, and my biggest cheerleader.

30 for 30 remix

2011-05-29T18:54:00.001-07:00

I'm going to test out this 30 for 30 remix idea. In case you don't know what this is, you take 30 pieces of clothes from your closet and remix them for 30 days. I tend to shop just for the sake of shopping and forget about a lot of the clothes I already own. Here's hoping this will help me appreciate the clothes I already have and figure out new and inventive ways to wear them. I'll be posting my 30 pieces of clothing after my trip next week. I know it's cheating a little but we're going on a trip and I don't have the energy to try and stick by it while we're gone. I'll be back soon with my picks!!

2011-03-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

I can't wait until June 3rd. Why you ask? Well we're flying to Washington DC that day. Chris' first trip out there and I can hardly contain my excitement. Hurray for fun trips! Thanks mom and dad for inviting us along!

Read anything good lately?

2011-01-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

I know you're all DYING to hear what I've read lately... so I'll indulge you. Just this once.

Escape from Furnace series by Alexander Gordon Smith

This is a young adult book series. I know, you hear the words "young adult" and automatically dismiss them. But these are truly great books. They're intense, written extremely well, and you can't put them down. They take place in a terrible prison for teenagers, called Furnace, where a 14 year old boy is being held after being convicted of a murder he didn't commit. There are 5 books in all. The first two (pictured above) are out now, but unfortunately you'll have to wait a while for the last 3. The 5th book comes out this March in the UK (where the author is from), but the 3rd book won't be released here in the US until August. I don't like comparing books with other books, but so you have an idea of kind of what this book is like, it has a "Hunger Games" feeling to it (the intensity). This is a surefire win.

The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

If you read "The Thirteenth Tale" by Diane Setterfield, you'll LOVE this book. It's a mystery, and a beautiful story about the connection we inexplicably feel towards our family that has passed on before us, even if we didn't know them. It is long, but one of those stories you just need to keep reading. You crave the words anytime you're away. My mom recommended this book, and I'm glad I took her up on it. (Warning: It will make you want to visit Cornwall, England BAD... just as much as you want to visit Guernsey.)

Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman Trilogy by Pamela Aiden

My list wouldn't be complete without at least ONE Austen inspired book. This charming trilogy is the whole of Pride and Prejudice from Mr. Darcy's point of view. The first book is the original meeting of Elizabeth, and all that ensues. The second is the "silent" time of the original novel, when Mr. Darcy is absent from Austen's tale. The third, and final book (and my favorite) is his reunion with Elizabeth, and ultimately, the happy ending we have all come to know and love. While no one can really live up to Jane Austen's beautiful writing, Pamela Aiden does an excellent job staying true to the characters, and is an amazing writer herself. I fell in love with Mr. Darcy all over again while reading these (and I've read them twice since!!).

The Walking Dead (Book 1 & 2) by Robert Kirkman

This is a graphic novel series (ie: comic book for grown ups) about a zombie apocalypse and a group of people (lead by a sheriff Rick Grimes), trying to survive. Less about the zombies and more about the relationships and how the day to day stress starts to wear on each person, these are really great stories. This story is also being made into a TV series on AMC. I watched the first season, and that's why I wanted to read the books. The books are different enough from the TV show that they're not spoilers to what's to come (or so I've heard). So far there are 6 volumes of books (collections of the issues) and I hope to get them all. Since it's pictures and writing, it's easy to get through, and you obviously have a lot of visual aids to add to what you imagine it being like.

My 2010

2011-01-06T14:13:00.000-08:00

My dad had heart surgery... luckily he's okay but it was a scary time for a minute there.
Went to Disney World with my in-laws... fun trip but exhausting.
Hubby graduated from college... I cried during the graduation ceremony.
Went to lots of great concerts... Muse! Hanson! Phoenix!
Got the pick of destiny from the Phoenix bass player... I think he was impressed with my awesomeness.
The cutest niece in the world was born... Oakley Mae (named after the best Auntie in the world!)
Somehow managed to pass all my classes in college... I still don't know how I pulled that off.
Hubby got an internship with a great company... thanks to a great friend's recommendation.
Figured out what I want to do when I grow up... forensic science is the way for me.
Did temple work for my grandma's biological family... never felt closer to her than I did in the temple.
Reconnected with a cousin... it's amazing how out of touch you can get with your family in 12 years.
Was broken up with by a friend on Facebook... weirdest experience of the year.
Ate octopus for the first time in my life... was surprisingly delicious.
Realized how thankful I am for all the things I've been blessed with... what a great year.

I absolutely hate...

2010-11-19T17:46:00.000-08:00

when I think someone is angry at me and they won't admit it.

Nihongo wa totemo muzukashii desu ne.

2010-10-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

Translation - "Japanese is very hard, right?"

In case you haven't ever tried to learn this language, while living in America, and having almost zero chances to practice, the answer to this question is a resounding "HAI!!" (That means yes in Japanese... hey I need to get in practice while I can!)

I am destined never to learn a new language. I'm in year two of Japanese, and I feel like I should still be in the first half of year one. It's so discouraging. I can usually wing my way through any class. I retain a LOT of information with little effort, and it's obvious I've taken this talent for granted because that is most definitely not how I am with Japanese. No matter how much I study, I feel like I just can't keep these dang Kanji in my brain. Or vocabulary. Or the million and a half ways to conjugate a word.

I do not have the gift of tongues. Ah well. I suppose I'll press on.

Hindsight really IS 20/20.

2010-10-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how much our perspective on life changes when we get older?

I hated high school. I had a horrible high school experience and couldn't wait to get away from all the people who treated me so badly. I couldn't understand why my life was turning out the way it was, when I had nothing to do with it in the first place. People were constantly gossiping about me, and spreading rumors, and I couldn't take it anymore. They didn't know what burdens I was carrying in my heart. They didn't know what I was struggling with. But they chose to treat me that way regardless.

Then, I graduated. Suddenly, it was okay for the people who had treated me so horribly to apologize to me and try to make amends. I forgave them, but the scars are still there. Sometimes, they hurt so much I physically ache. There are some days I can't think about anything but how I was treated and what I went through in high school. Even my family doesn't know everything that I went through or how it truly affected me.

I was talking to my co-workers the other day about whether or not they'd change things in their life if they could go back in time and do things over again. Most of them said no (which I also said) but secretly I wanted to. I wanted to go back and change my attitude, change the things I did, change the way I felt about myself. If only I knew then what I know now.

But then, suddenly, I realized that if I could do that, I might change things in a negative way. Would I be as sympathetic to gossip and bullying as I am now? Would I want to rise up and fight for justice for those who were downtrodden and who cried out for help and understanding? Would I feel such a strong sense of right and wrong when it came to the situations I, myself, had been in? Would I learn to be okay with myself? I don't know... Maybe. But probably not.

You can never change the past. You can never change what people choose to do. That's not part of the plan. What you can change is how you let it affect your life, how you grow from it, or how it guides you in the decisions you make down the road.

So I just want to put it out there. How has an experience molded you into the person you are today? How has it set the path for your life and the choices you have and will make? Don't be afraid to share. I am not afraid to share my story, if you really want to hear it. Just let me know.

Mmmbop.

2010-10-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

That's right folks. We saw Hanson live. It was honestly one of the best shows I've ever seen. The boys (Zac, Taylor, and Issac in case you don't remember) were so incredible. I would KILL to play the piano as well as Taylor. They sang amazingly (is that a word?) and just rocked the night away. It was a long show, they didn't get on stage until 9:30 and then played till just after midnight, but I would do it all over again. I was getting sick and so was super tired, towards the end we moved to the back by the bar so we could sit down but now I'm regretting it. Oh well..... next time I'll remember not to. They are all ADORABLE! I always loved Zac and Taylor, but Issac was so sweet. It was his 4 year wedding anniversary so he sang a song to his wife who was sitting in the balcony. It kinda made me tear up a little, it was just such a sweet moment. "Thinkin' Bout Something" is their new single, it is one that just makes you want to get up and dance.... and dance we did! Here are some pictures of our awesome night out with the Hanson boys!

No white after labor day???

2010-09-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

I got told today that I'm so adorable by trying to hold onto the last remnants of summer when I wore my tan and white cropped pants and a white polo. I DID have "fall" appropriate gold shoes on, they were even closed toe! Needless to say, I felt like a fool.

Did that not sound like the most SHALLOW post ever???? Cause it did to me.

For my sis.

2010-09-15T18:31:00.001-07:00

This post is for my sister. Okay, I feel like the crappiest sister alive because you texted me this morning with a question, aaaaaaand..... I didn't answer. Sorry. I was at school and getting all crazy studying and what not, and I just totally spaced it. Doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about you and my answer to that question. And my answer is a resounding 'YES!'.

Almost every day I feel like this. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. It's not because I'm truly about to fall apart, but I have this theory... you may have heard it, "Idle hands are the devils playground". And boy, is this true. The more time I spend just sitting around thinking to myself, the more I start moping, or whining to myself, or just generally feeling like life sucks. I could be having the most perfectly, lovely day, but the moment I stop doing something, I realize that is the moment that I need to get going or else. Now, this is not true in ALL moments of my life. For instance, when sitting in the temple, quietly and peacefully by myself, I feel this perfect clarity and then it's okay to sit there and contemplate my life and where it's going. Or even at church. But I DO have to have the Spirit with me to help push my thoughts in the right direction. I'm prone to moping and self loathing, and so I have to be super careful about when to allow myself these moments of contemplation. This isn't to say they're bad or we shouldn't ever have them. On the contrary: sometimes these moments are just what I need to make a decision about what I'm going to do with myself. But there are absolutely days when the only thing keeping me sane is the fact that I'm too busy to think about myself. So whether it's school, work, cleaning, service, or whatever, I am a firm believer that the Lord gave us minds, hearts, and hands to work, and that's one of the main ways to keep us from falling into Satan's trap of losing our minds.

I hope that answered your question. And please always remember that I'm here for you, even if I'm not the best at answering my text messages.

Beep beep zoom buddy Burt.

All About Your Heart.

2010-09-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

I don't mind your odd behavior,

It's the very thing I love.

If you were an ice cream flavor,

you would be my favorite one.

My imagination sees you

like a painting by Van Gogh.

Starry nights and bright sunflowers

follow you where you may go.

Oh, I've loved you from the start,

in every single way

and more each passing day.

You are brighter than the stars.

Believe me when I say,

it's not about your scars,

it's all about your heart.

You're a butterfly held captive,

small and safe in your cocoon.

Go on, you can take your time.

Time is said to heal all wounds.

Oh, I've loved you from the start,

in every single way

and more each passing day.

You are a brighter than the stars.

Believe me when I say,

it's not about your scars,

it's all about your heart.

Like a lock without a key,

like a mystery without a clue,

there is no me... if I cannot have you.

Oh, I've loved you from the start,

in every single way

and more each passing day.

You are brighter than the stars.

Believe me when I say,

it's not about your scars,

it's all about your heart.

Green.

2010-09-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

I must (shamefully) admit that I'm a little jealous of the lives some people live. I see people all the time who have things that I want and it makes me jealous and a little angry. I work hard. I've been putting not only my husband, but myself through school, and working full time while doing that. I have a calling in the church, and maintain a good relationship with my husband and our families. I feel a sense of entitlement to this life that I think must be better than the one I'm currently living. And at the same time I feel ashamed of myself for thinking this way because I know that I have a good life, and when I'm not overwhelmed with these feelings of "want" I know there is no other life I'd rather have than mine. But I can't help my weakness. That doesn't mean I can't control them, but I can't help them. They're part of who I am. I know there are so many who have it worse off than me. And I'm sure there are people who look at my life and think the same things I think about others. I need to get past this feeling of "needing" things I don't truly need, and get my mind and heart in order with the life God has mapped out for me.

Get Low

2010-09-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

>The fabulous new movie we saw today. I would highly recommend this movie, but be prepared for some tears. It stars Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Bill Murray, and Lucas Black. Robert Duvall plays Felix Bush, an infamous old recluse in 1930s backwoods Tennessee. The town he lives in is filled with rumors about him ranging from him having killed guys in a fist fight in cold blood, to how he's in league with the devil. He approaches the local pastor asking how to arrange a funeral, and strangely enough, it's HIS funeral. The pastor turns him down because he hasn't made peace with God. Lucas Black plays a young salesman(Buddy Robinson) at the local funeral parlor which is run by Bill Murray (Frank Quinn). Lucas Black overhears the conversation and approaches Felix with the offer of the funeral parlor throwing him his "funeral party". Hilarity ensues as they plan and put into motion their ideas for Felix's party. A dark secret begins to come to light as Felix requests his long lost friend, a preacher from Illinois to come and give his eulogy and tell the story of how he came to live for 40 years in almost pure isolation. In the end, it's a poignant story of a man who wants to face his past and make peace with decisions made years ago. It was a beautiful (and true) story and I thought it was very well made. It had incredible music, the acting was top notch, and the casting was FANTASTIC. See the pictures below, one of the real Felix "Bush" Breazeale, and one of Robert Duvall as Felix Bush.

See this site for the details of the real Felix Bush's incredible "first funeral".

2010-09-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

I don't think I ever posted this but it's a video Chris made for me for my birthday. He has this tradition of finding the most random "Happy birthday (fill in the blank)" video on YouTube for his friends and family. I complained that he hasn't done it for me.... so he one upped it and made one instead. (cue the collective "Awwwwwwwwwww!")

P.S.

2010-09-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

This is for someone dear to me going through an extremely rough patch. Life is going to suck for a while. Then one day, it'll suck less. And you'll wake up realizing that somethings is extremely, unbelievably funny, and you won't feel so guilty laughing about it. Sorrow and grieving is part of the mortal experience. Without it, the Savior's Atonement really wouldn't do or mean much. It doesn't mean you can't be upset, angry, sad, frustrated, confused... but part of enduring to the end means that you know that these feelings CAN be temporary if you let the Lord into your heart to help carry your burden. I can't say that I know how you must feel, having never experienced the exact situation you are in. But I've dealt with personal tragedy of my own, and I believe that is one thing that helps keep us connected as human beings. Trust in the Lord. What an amazing gift He has given us. Read Isaiah 53:3-5. "Surely He hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows... the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed." Is there anything more hopeful than that? Knowing that whatever we're feeling our brother, Jesus Christ, felt it first, and felt it even more keenly than we, so that we would never have to know the true measure of sorrow or pain. I know these are just words, and that it's hard sometimes to apply them to your life, but trust in the Lord. No, don't just trust. Have FAITH in the Lord. That is what enduring to the end is all about. He knows we don't know everything... why else would He have sent us to earth? He knew we'd be scared and nervous and frightened. Which is why He created this incredible plan and mapped out the life we should live. Have faith. Even if you don't know what's coming, just keep that forefront in your mind. I guarantee that it will get you through every single rough patch, bad day, sleepless night, and nightmare that you will have in your life. And that is a fact that you can take to the bank.

Sometimes I wonder...

2010-09-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

I wonder what my life would be like if I'd taken different paths, or other people had taken different paths that didn't affect me the way they did. Does that make sense? Like what IF I had decided not to move to Vernal after breaking up with my ex-fiancee. Would I have still decided to go to New York? And if I didn't go to New York would I have thought to contact Chris (after a 5 year absence)? What if I would have moved to Hawaii with my sort-of fling in New York when he asked me instead of following my heart and moving back to Utah? Is life just one long chain of random happenings, or will certain events in our lives happen regardless of the choices we make? Is "destiny" (for lack of a better word) truly what determines the shape our lives will take? I know not everything happens for a reason, but I also know that a lot does. I know that the Lord puts people, places, things, choices in our way to help us learn lessons we may not have any other way. But if our ultimate goal is in mind (even if it's in the back) will we eventually reach it regardless of the choices you make on the way there?

...

2010-08-31T16:39:00.000-07:00

I think I'm a pretty resilient person for the most part. I tend to bounce back from disappointment or tragedy fairly quickly. It's not that I don't mourn, grieve, cry, etc. as much as the normal person. I just try not to let it rule my life. There are sometimes, though, that I find it harder than normal to just get over things. Like the other day when I was just down anyway and we went to Mimi's which I was so looking forward to, and we waited in our booth for 20 minutes, and the waitress didn't even come over to tell us she was busy so we left because I didn't want to keep waiting there like a chump. Or the time a client yelled at me about how incompetent and idiotic I was because I couldn't post a contract to the system, even though I told him that no one could except data entry and that I'd sent an email to them to have it keyed in as we were on the phone. Sometimes it's just hard to let it go. Anyway... I just had to get that off my chest.

In other news, I have officially survived the first week of school. I am taking:

Intro to Forensic Science

Japanese 2010

Intro to Film.

The verdict is:

I LOVE my Forensic class. I eat up EVERYTHING we learn in that class, it's completely fascinating. There are too many people who like to comment on inane subjects and make stupid comments, but my teacher is fantastic and I have a really good feeling about where it might take me (school-wise).

I am struggling in my Japanese class, but what else is new. Good news, my teacher is the same teacher I had last year, and she's great. I hope I pass, keep your fingers crossed for me.

I have yet to go to my film class, it's only on Saturday mornings and I thought it was at the Weber campus but lo, and behold, it's at the Davis campus so I missed it last weekend. I'm pretty excited for it though because I love movies, and I love critiquing things so... I'll hopefully do well.

I also started working out three days a week, I go ride the bike at the Weber gym every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday mornings. I didn't go last Saturday or today, but I'm determined to stay as on track as possible. I also do Pilates a couple times a week, with a Pilates band. It's pretty hard core, I figure it's more fun for me than lifting weights. We'll see when I start noticing a difference. I already noticed I tend to have more energy, and by default I want to eat better than I have been. It's pretty amazing how quickly your body responds to exercise.

I love this time of year. The transition between summer and fall is amazing. I love when you go outside and realize that for the first time in a few months you need a jacket in the mornings. Or when you go out in the evening and you can feel the change in the air. The air smells different, the trees and grass start changing colors, the late summer vegetables, fruit, and flowers are in abundance. As Joe Fox said in 'You've Got Mail', "Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies." I agree wholeheartedly. Although, I love fall just about anywhere in the world. I love wearing sweaters, and tights, and cute jackets. I love when my cheeks get rosy from the cool air. I love Frightmares at Lagoon, and carving pumpkins, and drinking hot cocoa and cider. It's seriously my favorite time of the year.

Hello, hello, hello...

2010-07-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hello... we welcome you today! So, we were called into our Bishop's office a couple weeks ago, and lo' and behold. A calling! (Go figure right?) Guess what we get to be. You'll never guess. And it's poetic justice from the Lord for all the times I said I didn't have the "mom" gene in my DNA. We are CTR 5 teachers! Yes, you guessed it! We're in primary. I was pretty shocked, but secretly SUPER glad that it wasn't Nursery. I was hoping to be put into Young Womens, or maybe a teacher for Relief Society, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. When I told* (*complained to) my mom about it, she said that it's because I've taken a step in my life. What she meant by that is that I was FINALLY (7 years later) starting to enjoy going to Relief Society, and now I can't go anymore. Bummer. Anyway, I know that we'll be blessed for fulfilling this calling to the best of our ability, but it is a struggle for me. I just have a hard time with kids. Eh, I guess we'll see. Our first Sunday went well. Only 3 kids showed up.... oh and a straggling Sunbeam who wandered into our class and wouldn't leave. They are cute little kids so I guess that's good. I couldn't spend all Sunday looking at hideous children. hehe, I'm so evil. :) Anyhoo. Ciao till later.

2010-07-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July (the day after)! We spent a fun 4th in Saratoga Springs with Lee and Melanie Jacobs while they blessed their newest addition, Calvin. It was fun to visit and to see them again. Then we went to my parents house for dinner, we watched The R.M. and Jurassic Park. Jurassic Park is so good, I forgot how much I like that movie! We didn't do anything fireworks wise, because the Layton fireworks are being done today and we'd shot off a bunch at Chris' parents house the night before. In honor of the men and women who serve us every day, I wanted to show you this commercial that I love. Every time I see it, it makes me cry because I think of how little appreciation most people show the Military for the HUGE sacrifice they have made and continue to make for us, and I think more people should be like the people in this commercial. (I know it's endorsed by Budwiser, but I still like it.) Enjoy....

A few words of inspiration...

2010-06-30T20:36:00.000-07:00

We went to Music and the Spoken Word on Sunday morning. For those of you who haven't been, I'd highly recommend it. In the summer it's at 9:30 am in the Conference Center just north of Temple Square. It's non-denominational religious. It's so wonderful, full of beautiful music, and inspiring words. This week was "Love's Beautiful Music". In the program they had this quote by Dean Ornish, "The key to our survival is love. When we love someone and feel loved by them, somehow along the way our suffering subsides, our deepest wounds begin healing, our hearts start to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and to open a little wider. We begin experiencing our own emotions and the feelings of those around us."

This is the song that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang while I was reading this particular part. It was so beautiful, I couldn't help but cry. There is just something about listening to such beautiful music, and reading words that can touch you so deep inside.

Happy birt-dee.

2010-06-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

I just bought a couple birthday presents for this guy....

My sweet lil' buddy. I love buying presents, it's fun to be creative and really figure out what someone would want... besides the obvious. My birthday is in a week, 25. Wow. I don't feel 25. I'm sure I won't on July 6 either. Time sure does fly when you're older. It felt like it took forever to go from Christmas, to my birthday, to Christmas again when I was little (can you tell I looked forward to the gifts???). Now it's like half the year is gone before I even realize it! This year has been full of ups and downs, but it's nice to know some things never change. Like the church is still true regardless of what happens, and I always have a date Friday nights, and the McDonalds by our house makes the best fries.

I honestly can't...

2010-06-27T18:27:00.001-07:00

wait for school to start up in the fall. There is something about starting a new school year that makes me so happy. Like the whole world is out before me and I get to decide where this road is taking me.

Just some recommendations...

2010-06-23T20:00:00.001-07:00

I get asked a lot "what are you reading now?" cause I can often be found with a book sticking out of my purse. Here's some books I've just recently read that I really enjoyed:

"The Private Diary of Mr. Darcy" by Maya Slater

This book is Pride and Prejudice from Mr. Darcy's point of view. It's written "diary" form, so it's all his journal entries. It was SO good. I will eat up anything Pride and Prejudice... I've read the book itself about 10 times (seriously). It was a really interesting take on the events that happened, and to hear things from his point of view. It brought tears to my eyes when he confessed his love to Elizabeth once again, this time to have her accept him. How wonderful!!!

"Serendipity" by Louise Shaffer

This story is about a girl (Carrie) who's mother just died. She never knew much about her mother's life, or why she was so bitter towards her husband (who'd died years earlier) or her own mother. As she delves deeper into her mother's past, Carrie realizes that to truly understand her mother, she needs to go back a couple generations and see how her great-grandmother, grandmother, and eventually mother all came to be who they were. It's an intriguing story of how one generation can affect another, without even knowing it and how the choices we make are really what make us who we are and help shape those around us (particularly family). I'll admit it, I bought it because I fell in love with the outfit on the cover, but I really did love the story inside. (There is some strong language and talk about some... touchy... subjects. Just a heads up.)

"Jane Austen Ruined My Life" and "Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart" both by Beth Pattillo

Both of these books are about women who have lost themselves and are searching to find their place in the world. Both find their way again through the immortal and wise words of Jane Austen. What more can you ask for? Romance, mystery, Jane Austen, a charming English environment. It's an ideal setting for a story. (Again, put anything Jane Austen in front of me and I'll eat it up.) It felt easy to relate to the main characters because who among us hasn't had their heart broken at one point, only to hope that you'll have your Mr. Darcy, or Mr. Knightly, or Edmund Bertrum come and sweep you off your feet?

"The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary Ann Shaffer and Anne Barrows

I actually read this one a while ago, at the recommendation of my mom. She has the best taste in books. Oh. My. Heavens. This is EASILY one of my favorite books I've ever read. The way it's written is in letter form, which I've never particularly cared for, but it's written incredibly well. So well, in fact, that it's hard to remember that the characters are fictional! Taking place right after World War II on the English Channel island of Guernsey, it's about this small town which starts writing a rather well known author after becoming enamored by one of her books during the war. She becomes quick friends and builds strong bonds with most of the people on this small island through their mutual correspondence. It's heartwarming and heartbreaking, and I'd recommend it to ANYONE. Such a beautiful book.

So... in case you were wondering, those are some of the books I'd recommend reading! All excellent choices and books I could easily read over and over again (which I plan on doing!).

2010-06-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is my best friend. This is the man that I love. He's lying beside me as I type this. Sometimes, I'll reach my hand over and place it on his chest and feel him breathe for a little while. It makes me feel like nothing will be bad. I love him. (By the way, my hand was out of control in this picture. I honestly don't know what it was doing.)

The silver lining...

2010-06-22T22:41:00.000-07:00

I was reading Stephanie Nielson's blog today and a few days ago she posted the link to this talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland. Thank you Stephanie, for reminding me of the hope the gospel brings to my life. Sometimes I just need a little pick-me-up, and her post was this weeks. I struggle so much with having faith in the Lord, and faith that things will happen on His time and that is okay. I struggle with not knowing the future, or what it will bring, and with dealing with my present trials. What I need to remember is that the Lord knows what will happen to me, He knows the path my life is taking, and He is watching out for me and keeping my needs and wants in mind. My cares are not irrelevant to Him, no matter how small they may be.

"Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed."

Disney World

2010-06-19T22:15:00.001-07:00

Finally I'm getting around to posting some pictures from our trip.... give me a break we've only been home a week. Anyway, here are some pictures from this fun time.

Home

2010-06-15T18:04:00.001-07:00

When I was growing up, I thought I want to live this adventurous live and go explore the world. I still feel that way (most of the time), but I'll tell you this... nothing feels as good as going home and the first thing my dad does is give me a hug. Or I can shout for my mom and know she's there. Or that Nathan is always willing to sit down and watch a show with me. When I'm at home, with my family around me, that's when I feel truly complete. No worries, no fear, nothing to keep me from feeling that I'm just a little bit closer to heaven. Sure, we might argue or disagree, but we never fail to apologize and hug each other and work the problem out. No matter where in the world I am, I always miss home. I'll never stop missing home.

2010-05-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

When I think of home
I think of a place where there's love overflowing
I wish I was home
I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing

Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning
Sprinklin' the scene, makes it all clean

Maybe there's a chance for me to go back there
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to be back home
Where there's love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend, let me start again

Suddenly my world has changed it's face
But I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I've watched it growing

If you're list'ning God
Please don't make it hard to know
If we should believe in the things that we see
Tell us, should we run away
Should we try and stay
Or would it be better just to let things be?

Living here, in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But it taught me to love
So it's real, real to me

And I've learned
That we must look inside our hearts
To find a world full of love
Like yours
Like me

Like home...

Do you ever wonder?

2010-05-10T21:20:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I get caught up in the past. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve got a long ways to go, but sometimes I just start thinking of how my life would be different if things wouldn’t have gone the way they did. There are some things I did growing up (and to this day) that have definitely affected the way my life has turned out. On the other hand, people have done things to me that have affected it as well. How would it be different if I would have reacted or acted differently in my life? I know there are a few pretty big things that I’m dealing with now that would be a lot different. I have to admit, one of my "haunts" has been particularly troubling lately. I’ve figured out that’s why I’ve been in such a slump. I know I should move past it but I just can’t seem to. I just want to know why. I’m ashamed to say I’ve even been cyber-stalking this person, as if that will somehow magically answer the questions I have been carrying inside for so long. Somehow, by seeing their picture, or reading their posting on this blog, I’d be able to move past this event. I know it’s not the case, and I know it’s just “wishful” thinking, but I have to cope somehow. At the other end of the spectrum, I was able to get some LONG overdue closure from another person in my past, simply by breaching the “untouchable” subject. I flat out emailed this person and asked them the big question: “Why? Why did you do what you did to me?”. Their resulting answer was both satisfying and necessary. I was able to do some major healing after I got the answer I’d so long looked for. Thank you to this person. If you ever read this, I suspect you know who you are. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’m not one to hold a grudge… on the contrary. I think I’ve been more than generous with my forgiveness. But I am the type of person who will dwell on the things that truly changed the course my life has taken. Not that I regret any of it. What would I do without my amazing husband, or the knowledge I have now? But that’s not to say that I am unaffected by certain events in my life. I guess this turned into a pretty rambling post. But I just had to get this off my chest, I don’t feel like anyone would ever really understand how I feel about this person and why I’m in such desperate need for understanding and closure which I know I’ll never get.

Slump of the year.

2010-05-05T19:13:00.001-07:00

I feel lately like I’ve been in this huge slump. I can’t seem to get myself out of it either! It’s getting extremely irritating. I want to get out of it and I want to get myself back on track. The funny thing is, I know I’m doing everything I should be. I’m going to church, I’m paying my tithing, I’m saying my prayers. I’m going to school, working hard, trying to do service, spending time with my family. What is going on here? I need to get myself out of this slump. Immediately. I’m glad it’s summer so I can focus on myself a little bit and stop stressing so much. I’m glad Chris is done with school, that’s just one less thing I have to worry about now. This post feels a little “rambling”, just a bit. Oh well, I have to get it off my chest somehow. You know that person, the one who can’t seem to get her head on straight and stop focusing on herself? Yeah, that’s me. Stuck, stuck, stuck. In a rut. Darn this rut.

Irritated.

2010-05-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

So at work I got a (sort of) promotion. I didn't ask for it. I didn't even want it at first. My boss pretty much forced it on me. Now I'm in the role, it's not what I expected and I like it. But it's caused a problem between me and one of my co-workers. She was expecting to get it. She kinda campaigned for it. I found this out today when my boss told me she might be a little standoffish to me because of it. Should I be offended that she is so upset at me? I don't think I did anything wrong. For whatever reason, management felt I was better in this role than she was and told me they wanted me in the position. I'm not sure how to act around her now. I don't want her to be mad at me over something I feel wasn't my fault. It's irritating when people act so immature.

Blah.

2010-03-24T09:43:00.001-07:00

That is how I feel all the time lately. Blah. I am in desperate need of a change, vacation, anything! to get me out of this slump. What is it???

V-Day Is (was) Here!!!

2010-02-17T09:43:00.000-08:00

Our Valentine's Day was more of a weekend. I got reservations at a hotel in Provo (ok I know Provo is PROVO but it was still fun!!) and we spent 3 nights out there. We went up Friday night, after Chris got off work. Before we left, we went to Hanamaru to get some udon...

yum!! I would eat that every day if I could. It's delish. Then we drove down to Provo. That night we found out that Orbitz had overbooked the hotel, and there was a statewide high school wrestling tournament going on. We ended up having to stay in a smoking room (which luckily didn't smell like smoke) and had to listen to teenagers slam doors and laugh and shout all night. After a restless nights sleep, we went off to enjoy our day. Saturday we went to PF Changs for lunch and then walked around the mall for a couple of hours. We both planned on buying something fun for ourselves but.... neither of us could decide on anything. Then we went to the BYU Art Museum. It was so fun, I love museums! Chris was SO excited, there was a piece by one of his most favorite artists there. That museum is a really good one to go to, they have some amazing pieces. I recommend you go. We went to the BYU book store, and got a mint brownie. Then we headed back towards our hotel. We went to The Spaghetti Factory and then we saw When in Rome. It was cute, and clean. A little corny but funny and it was sweet. I cried at the end (but I'm a big bawl baby anyway!). We went back to our hotel tired, but spent the night watching TV and just chatting with each other. It's nice to get away. Sunday we got up, watched a few hours of TV (I like to be lazy in hotels) and then went up to Salt Lake. We went to the Children's Museum (Discover I think it's called?) and deemed it fun, for kids. I kinda felt like a weirdo creepster walking around taking pictures without kids to share it with. We also went to Barnes and Noble for a while, we both love bookstores. For dinner we went to the Star of India. I LOOOOOVE the Start of India. I wish it was closer. It's total comfort food. We were both pretty bushed after all that, and so we went back to our hotel, and just hung out talking and spending time together. Monday I had to go back to work, but we were able to sleep in (well Chris did, I woke up at 7:30 and couldn't fall back asleep). It was a VERY fun weekend and as I said before, it's SO nice to get away, even if it's only to Provo. Hurray for weekends away from reality!

I love my huthby.

2010-01-26T12:30:00.000-08:00

So a bunch of people I know got to meet Bill Murray at Sundance, and I'm so jealous. I think when I meet Bill Murray (I know I will someday) I will say to him "Suntory time".

Here I am!

2010-01-23T11:49:00.000-08:00

Here's my new hair cut. Whaddaya think??

Brand new look

2010-01-23T07:29:00.001-08:00

I'm off this morning to get my hair cut and dyed. I still don't know how yet, but I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda girl, right? he he. Wish me luck!

Why I love my dad...

2010-01-22T18:41:00.000-08:00

"Be kind to thy father, for when thou wert young, Who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, And joined in thy innocent glee." -- Margaret Courtney

"The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan." -- Garrison Keillor

"Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes." ~Gloria Naylor

What do all these quotes have in common? Well, they have to do with a father. I love my dad. We had a little scare this week and it got me thinking of all the reasons I love my dad. And here they are (well just some of them) in no particular order:

50. He is the smartest guy I know

49. He taught me to love computer games

48. He honors his Priesthood

47. He UNDERSTANDS the importance of honoring his Priesthood.

46. He loves my mother with all his heart and soul

45. He cries at sentimental movies

44. He willingly served our country for 30(ish) years

43. He taught me to love our country

42. He helped me pay off my credit card when I didn't have a job

41. He can paint beautifully (if only he'd take it up again)

40. He always has time to talk to me

39. Hearing his voice always manages to make me feel safe

38. I inherited his love of learning

37. He always encouraged me to be independent

36. No matter how old I get, sometimes I just need a hug from him

35. He is always willing to tell me how much he loves me

34. I can still get blessings from him if I ask

33. He has a wicked sense of humor

32. He taught me to love Japan and everything about it and it's people

31. He will help me practice my Japanese and is EXCITED to do so

30. He has really good advice to help me through the tough times

29. He taught me the value of hard work

28. He taught me the value of a good education

27. No matter how hair-brained my plans were, he'd support me in it

26. He makes me feel like I'll always be his little girl

25. Even though I can push his buttons, he always forgives me for my wrong doings

24. He loves our whole family so much, I can see it in his countenance

23. He always expressed how he felt about my mother

22. His example of how a husband should be gave me high expectations of what I should expect in my own marriage

21. He helped me burglar-proof my apartment

20. No matter how late it is, he's always willing to let me call when I'm upset or scared

19. I will always fit in his arms for a hug

18. He will always be the perfect size to fit in mine

17. He never let me doubt how much I meant to him, even when we weren't particularly close to each other

16. He taught me how to change my breaks and clean my battery terminals

15. He acts (or maybe genuinely is) impressed by my ability to change a tire in 15 minutes

14. He would be willing to give me (or any of us) the world if I asked for it (not that I ever would)

13. He is so willing to give of himself, even to a perfect stranger

12. I know he's brave and tough

11. ... even when he cries at sappy commercials

10. He isn't ashamed to show his emotions

9. He loves beautiful music, and is moved by it

8. He loves history (particularly military history)

7. ... and taught me to love it as well

6. He is very Christlike, in his actions and the way he loves people

5. He serves in the church and truly magnifies his callings

4. He was the best bishop I've had

3. When I spend the night at my parents house, he always says good night and I love you

2. I love the way he smells when I hug him, it's like the whole world will be alright

1. He loves me for me, despite all my MANY faults and short comings

Dad, I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. You're truly a hero in my eyes.

Love, your Muffin

That feeling within....

2010-01-16T19:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get to feeling so down about myself and things that happen (or have happened) in my life and I think to myself "Why me? Why do I have to struggle through these things?". Or so often I fall into that trap of "I'm having a fat year." or "Man. My hair sucks." I decided that I would start posting things that I'm thankful for. And not just within my life, but things about ME that I'm thankful for. Either some part of my body that I love, or something I think I do well, or something I've done that makes me proud of myself. Beyond that I am also going to do a weekly post about something that has happened in my life (whether to me directly or somewhere out there) that has made me more thankful. To start off with (because I'm feeling particularly lazy at 11:15 on a Saturday night) I love my feet.

Ok, ok... I know that's a REALLY weird thing to love. BUT I honestly love them. I think they are small, and dainty, and my toes are long and just perfectly sized.

(This picture looks retarded. Yes, I did take it with my camera phone because I didn't want to take the trek downstairs to find my real camera. Therefore, you get a retarded foot picture.) I love that my feet don't fluctuate with weight gain and loss. I have been a size 6.5-7 since I was about 12 and I'm pretty sure I'll remain around that for the rest of my life. I love buying shoes, especially shoes that show my feet off. I've been wearing this silver toe ring for about 6 years, I hope it never breaks like my last one. I love getting pedicures, because I think that having nail polish on your toes and having your feet rubbed is one of the most simple, and excellent pleasures in life. I'm glad Heavenly Father gave me good feet, that aren't crippled, or bent, or in some other way unusable, because I can't imagine not being able to walk.

There you have it folks. Just one of the things that I'm thankful for in my life. My feet.

Thankful for so much...

2009-12-23T21:01:00.001-08:00

December 26th marks the 5 year anniversary of the tsunami that hit Indonesia and killed nearly 250,000 people, many of whom were vacationing with their families. On TLC they aired a special tonight about that, and more than ever it made me SO thankful for the Gospel that I have been taught, and the amazing opportunity that I've had to be sealed to all the people I hold most dear in my life. I can't imagine losing anyone in my family without the knowledge that I will one day see them again. Two of the families they highlighted lost children, one their 15 year old daughter, and the other their 5 year old daughter. How horrible would it be to experience that! I'm so grateful that I can be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I imagine the world would be very bleak if I didn't have the knowledge that I do to help me get through each day and especially through any type of tragedy I've had in my life.

Worst week ever....

2009-11-23T11:58:00.000-08:00

So... I'm sure you have heard (at least if you're a friend of mine on Facebook) but for those of you who HAVEN'T heard, last week was horrid. Okay, really only three of 7 days sucked, but they sucked HARD. I got Chris tickets to Play! Video Game Symphony for our anniversary, so we were looking forward to it all month. It was last Tuesday. We both had to work and go to school all day and we went straight from school to Salt Lake for the concert. It was SO fun and we had a blast, we went to Dee's by our house afterwards for a late night breakfast. At just after midnight we got home. Chris noticed a bunch of our DVDs on the floor and asked what that was all about, I thought maybe there was an earthquake and some fell down and then noticed there were other DVDs scattered throughout our living room, which led to our gaping open living room window! Someone had broken into our house. Immediately I noticed my 2 month old laptop missing, then we noticed some other things, my digital camera with a years worth of pictures on it, our printer, a bunch of my jewelry (all of which had sentimental value). I was SO upset and scared, I was hysterical (That isn't too hard to imagine right?). We called the cops, then waited for CSI. By the time everything was done it was around 3:00 am. Then we stayed at Chris' parent's house for the night. Needless to say I only ended up getting about 2 hours of sleep that night, and had to work the next day. I work up and immediately called my insurance company to make a claim and they told us "Oh that's funny, we have record you received a quote for renter's insurance in August of 2007 but you don't actually have a policy." I was flaming mad, I told them that I DID have a policy, that I remembered having the conversation asking for renter's insurance and that was an error on THEIR end not on mine. They said they'd have to investigate whether or not we'd be covered. Then on Thursday, I was supposed to see New Moon, and I'd prepaid for tickets for me and my friend Katie to go over 4 months ago. I had class till 7 and then I left and we drove down to Salt Lake only to find out that the company who had rented the theater had oversold their tickets and so we didn't have a seat, which meant we drove all the way down for nothing! By this time, I was SO furious, I was ready to slap someone. We shopped around instead and then hit up Denny's for another late night breakfast. Dang this last week. I'm glad it's over.

I HATE..

2009-11-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

Michael Jackson. I hate that my husband is obsessed with him and that his stupid movie is such a huge priority to people. It's ridiculous. Sure, he made good tunes, and he's a great entertainer, but is he really worth all this hype and craziness? I say no. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and wishing he'd float away into obscurity. I hate Michael Jackson.

What's new??

2009-11-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

Okay so the last post didn't really count... so here's my update. I started school the end of August, originally I had 4 classes (Intro to Jazz, Psychology 1010, Japanese 1010, and American Civilizations). I dropped Jazz before school even started (WAY too labor intensive, I had no time), and Psychology two weeks into the semester. I ♥ my Japanese and History classes though. They are both so much fun, and I've learned so much. It's been a crazy, hectic few months, and I've had little to no spare time to get much done but somehow I've made it through.
I also helped direct and stage managed a murder mystery play this month. We did rehearsals throughout August and September and the show started at the beginning of October. It was SO busy, but awesome and I met so many fun amazing people that I didn't know that well (or at all) from before. I had very few breakdowns (which is quite a feat) and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Chris is liking his classes and they like him back! His teachers love him (really who would have thought differently though?) and he's just trying to get everything done so he can graduate next May (hurray!). I can't wait until he's done with school, everybody say a prayer he'll be able to find a good job and quickly so that I can start focusing on my schooling more than I am now. I'm still plugging away at National Fitness (going on 4 years, yikes!) and Chris is doing work study at the Weber State gym, which has proven to work very well for him.
So in case anyone didn't know, over the summer I turned 24 and Christ turned 27. These momentous occasions occurred at the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland (I'll post pictures soon I promise) and we got to spend a fun week there just playing and having a blast. I, of course, got the flu the last couple of days and so Chris had to spend most of his birthday playing by himself, but he still had fun! :)
Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up, and I'm so excited. It'll be the first Christmas since we got married that I'll get to spend Christmas Eve at home! It'll be fun to do that, I love Christmas so much and I love spending time with my family. We're spending Thanksgiving with the Kirkham's which will be fun, and I'll have the day AFTER Thanksgiving off, for the first time since I started at National Fitness! Truly! I've never been able to have it off before! I'm so glad, 4 day weekends rock!
Anyway... my work day is about to start so I better get clocked in and earn my living. I hope everyone has an AWESOME Tuesday!

New Ventures?

2009-11-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

So I have this grand idea that I'm going to travel to Japan for 3 weeks to study Japanese. Not through Weber, just on my own. Not only will I get my Japanese-home-sickness out of the way, but I'll have the chance to learn Japanese while actually living amongst the people which will help me pick up and retain the knowledge much better. Now this sounds pretty dang exciting right? I think so! Wanna hear the one catch to this excellent plan? I'll give you a hint... it's the root of all evil. Yeah. $$. I have none. Well none that I can spare to use on this amazingly awesome and fantastic trip. Ok so I'm going to have to crack down and save like crazy to make this dream become a reality. Wish me luck!

TOMS

2009-09-10T06:40:00.001-07:00

Call me crazy, but I saw this little video today, and if I wasn't already convinced to buy a pair of TOMS, I am now. I think we should all do our part. Sure, they're kinda pricey and they are cute in an ugly way, but look at what a great cause this is! Check it out!

In case you aren't able to view this video, what this company does is for every pair of shoes sold, they give a pair of shoes to a child in need. Check out their website HERE.

New endeavors...

2009-08-22T19:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm beginning a new chapter in my life... school! I can hardly wait! Along with that, I'll be starting a workout regimen. Oh boy... busy busy busy. I don't want to take up too much time but check out my workout blog: www.skinnycassidymae.blogspot.com. I could use any tips or advice anyone can give me regarding getting in shape. Wish me luck this semester!!

Just one of those days...

2009-08-15T17:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me.... I mean, really know me, I'm sure you've often heard me joke about how I think the mothering gene wasn't included in my genetic makeup. Very rarely am I around a child with which I feel I can truly relate to, or who brings that "motherly feeling" out in me. It's not that I don't like children, it's just not very often that I feel the urge or desire to have one of my own. Being around my niece and nephews is, of course, the exception to that. When I'm around them, it brings this instinct in me that I can't really explain. It's this incredible love, and urge to protect and take care of them with every thing in me. That being said, as you are aware (if you've been reading my blog for the last year), I was pregnant last November. It came as a huge surprise and while at first I was apprehensive and to be honest, terrified to death, I got over those initial feelings very quickly. I grew to love the life growing inside of me with everything I had to offer. I truly started to think that even if something happened to me, I'd want this child to grow up strong and happy and with in a wonderful life, with a wonderful father. In my estimations, I would be having this child around the end of July, beginning of August of 2009. I was so excited that I couldn't even begin to express my joy over this amazing thing that was happening. At my very first appointment, when I was around 10 weeks along, my doctor did an ultrasound. I couldn't believe it, I'd finally get the chance to hear the heartbeat, to see this miracle growing inside of me. When the time came to view the ultrasound, I got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, as I could see my doctor struggling to tell me something I think I knew, deep inside. There wasn't a baby there. Although I exhibited all the outward signs of the pregnancy, and clearly something had started developing, it stopped for some reason, never to continue. Although I tried to be brave, something broke inside of me. My heart stopped beating for that small measure in time, as I tried to grasp that all the hope, fear, and dreams I'd put into this little one were for nothing. At this point in my life, this was not to be my mission. I couldn't understand why this would have happened to me. I thought for sure I did something to cause it, and I wanted to blame everyone and no one at the same time. As time passed I started to feel some peace, as I don't think I was truly ready to start that journey. Now, onto what brought this time of reflection on today. My sweet sister-in-law, Jenni, had a little baby boy a couple weeks ago. This would have made our children about 2 weeks apart. We came out to Ohio to see her and her new baby, and to see the baby be blessed. While I'm so happy for her, I can't help but feel a little empty inside. My heart feels a little like a piece was ripped off it, a piece that wasn't healed fully quite yet. As I sit up in our hotel room, pondering the road my life has taken, I openly weep for the sweet baby that isn't to be mine at this time, for the life I was so ecstatic to know and help guide. Now, I understand that everything happens for a reason, but I can't help but feel a little bitter at these circumstances. I can't begin to describe the swirling of emotions I feel, or the thoughts in my head. All I can say right now is that my heart is broken again, and I pray that someone, anyone out there can think of me a little right now and say a little prayer that my Heavenly Father will help to ease this pain inside of my heart, and to bring comfort to my soul. And Jenni, if you read this, know that I'm SO happy for you, even if it doesn't seem like it. I know there are those of you who have gone through a similar situation, and so I ask, what do you do to fill the whole in your heart that is created when you lose something you never had to begin with? How do you move past it, and how do you stop carrying around that awful sorrow that I can't seem to shake this last month? Thanks for listening to me a little tonight. Just putting my thoughts out on "paper" helps more than anyone can know. I appreciate your prayers and any advice that you can give me....

Just a lil' thought...

2009-05-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

I find it amazing that our minds and bodies work the way they do. We have something called muscle memory, which helps us to repeat things over and over again and progress each time (serving over and over again in tennis or doing a code in a video game). Our minds are able to block out painful memories, or blur the lines of reality so we can better cope with trauma. When we learn something, it can be so fully ingrained in our sub-conscious that it becomes a second nature reaction we didn't know we had. Just the pure fact that we can breath without thinking is amazing. The fact of the matter is, our Heavenly made our bodies a certain way so they could grow, heal, bear children, keep us alive, and help us do the things we need to do while on this earth and to me that is so wonderful. I am always blown away when I really sit down and think about the way our bodies truly work and how special they are.

Mother, all flowers remind me of you...

2009-05-10T12:46:00.001-07:00

50 Reasons Why I Love My Mother

50. She can always find the best deals on clothes.

49. She taught me how to bargain shop.

48. She give me little gifts every now and then.

47. She made me take piano lessons.

46. She taught me that Duncan Hines makes the best brownie mix.

45. She used to french braid my hair in the morning when I asked, even up throughout high school, since I couldn't do it myself.

44. She makes my favorite foods each birthday.

43. She taught seminary to my class without complaint.

42. She let us get a dog growing up, even though she's not a pet person (but neither am I, come to think of it!)

41. She always lets me borrow her books, even if I forget to give them back.

41. She makes good deviled eggs.

40. She shows me how to get together food storage and 72 hour kits, even though I don't do it myself.

39. She taught me the importance of forgiveness.

38. She would always make me and my siblings sit on the piano bench when we fought until we apologized, which 99% of the time eventually ended in laughter.

37. She made us watch Rescue 911 when we were little so we learned how to respond in an emergency.

36. She never doubted me when I said something was wrong with me, although I'm a self diagnosed hypochondriac.

35. She has a good sense of humor.

34. She gives me good decorating ideas.

33. She always tries to get me a new box for my growing box collection.

32. She helps me learn how important family history is.

31. AF + Sunday afternoons... need I say more?

30. She gave me a love of church history.

29. She taught me to respect myself and expect others to respect me.

28. She used to sew me dresses for Easter, birthdays, baptism, etc.

27. She knows my personal style to a T.

26. She let's me vent to her whenever I need to....

25. ... and gives me good advice even when I don't ask for it. :)

24. She gave me a love of classic literature, especially Jane Austen.

23. Regardless of the things I've done, she is always there to give me a hug and tell me that it will turn out okay.

22. She came to all my choir concerts, piano recitals and dance recitals through the years.

21. No matter how old I get, I'm never too old to chat with my mom.

20. She let's me call just to tell her about random things that happen.

19. She isn't afraid to share or stand up with her standards no matter what.

18. She supports me in my many ventures (no matter hair-brained they may seem).

17. When I make mistakes, she is the first one I want to talk to.

16. She loves my husband very much.

15. She wants me to be the very best I can be.

14. I hate to disappoint her when I've done something wrong.

13. She taught me all of the primary songs and hymns.

12. Even when I've lived thousands of miles away, she still wants to know I got home at night safely.

12. She was home every day after school, even if I didn't want to talk.

11. She bought Living Scriptures movies to instill in us a love of the scriptures that she has.

10. She has been my #1 cheerleader in everything I do.

9. I've never seen her fall asleep in church... except once.

8. I look just like her and she's beautiful!

7. She gave me her awesome singing genes.

6. She's talented at singing and playing the piano.

5. She encourages me to try my hardest in what I do so I don't have regrets later.

4. She made it a point to not argue with my dad in front of us kids, so we could always see the best part of their already amazing marriage.

3. She's a good example of what a mom should be.

2. She has an amazing strong testimony of the gospel and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

1. She knows who she is, and has instilled this knowledge in me as well to keep with me the rest of my life.

Mom, I love you so much. Thank you for everything that you do for me. Happy Mother's Day.

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life."- Abraham Lincoln

Wow.

2009-05-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

My friend Amy posted this video on her blog, and I had to listen because I was really intrigued by the idea of combining these two songs and how it would turn out. So awesome. I hope this gets printed as sheet music because I'd love to learn it (although I'm not really that good, I could be better). Anyway, just take a listen. You won't regret it.

What have I done?

2009-04-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

So this is a list of 99 things... and all the bolded ones are things I've done. Let's see what fantastic life Cassidy has lived so far, shall we?

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld/Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you were not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (does drawn count? Sure it does!)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been laid off from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

54 out of 99.... "I've got a lot of livin' to do!" (BTW - If you can name the song, and therefore the movie that line comes from, I'll send you a prize.)

Birt'dee Purtee

2009-03-31T17:13:00.000-07:00

This last weekend, we all went up to Red Canyon lodge, north of Vernal. We, meaning, me mum and dad, sister and hubby, two cutie nephews, two little (okay, not little, younger) brothers, and my own dear hubby. It was a super fun weekend, filled with food, laughter, and touching moments. Well... I was touched. Friday we drove out there, and arrived around 4ish. We went to dinner, and then spent the evening visiting and just hanging out. On Saturday, the boys went shooting (what a barbaric activity!! hehe) and then we all got a family picture taken (which I can't wait to see!!!). I think they'll turn out very well! After wards, we drove down to the dam, but it wasn't doing tours anymore. (Dam tours....) So instead, we drove up to Flaming Gorge Cafe or whatever it's called, and had dinner. It was quite delish. I've never eaten there before, but it was awesome and you got a lot of food for your money. (Much better than Red Canyon Lodge, in my opinion.) Spencer got to open his presents that night, and we had cake. We also played Catch-phrase, and visited some more. My family sure likes to visit, huh Chris? On Sunday, we went back down the mountain, and ate dinner at Grandma and Grandpas. It was fabulous, as usual. But we decided to leave early as the weather was supposed to be yucky. And boy, was it yucky!! When we got to Currant Creek, we got stuck in this huge traffic jam. Two semi's, coming opposite ways of each other, jackknifed and completely covered the whole road. We had to wait about 2.5 hours until a wrecker could come and clear the road. So annoying. So we had to wait at the creepy, in-bred gas station (sorry to anyone who works there or knows the people who work there. I call it like I see it!) until that happened. The trip which should have taken only 3 hours, ended up taking 6 hours. Long drive. We were all so glad to be home again. But besides that... it was a quite wonderful weekend. Great memories were made, and bonds were strengthened. It was one of those weekends that makes you much more grateful that you were born into the family that you got, and happy to be related to your closest, dearest friends. I love you all so much, and Happy Birthday Spencer!! :) (Oh... and I'll be posting pictures this week sometime when I have time to download them from my camera!)

Worried...

2009-03-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

As most people are during this time in the economy, I can't help but be a little afraid of what could happen. I work hard, and I don't want to lose my job. I don't want anything to happen to anyone that I love, and it breaks my heart and instills a little bit more fear into my heart when someone I know is put into a precarious situation. But as I've learned growing up, if you do what the Lord asks, and live righteously, you should have no reason to fear. The Lord will sustain you in all your hardships, and will lift you up. Not to say that life won't be hard or somewhat worrisome, but we should put more trust in the Lord and less trust in the world. I just had to post these two videos of President Uchtdorf's General Conference talk he gave about hope and fear, because whenever I feel discouraged or afraid, this really helps me to put things into perspective. (The talk is in two halves.) If you can't play the videos, the talk is below.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Infinite Power of Hope,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 21–24

Hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges.
Image

My dear brothers and sisters and friends, what a glorious day for us to witness the announcement of five new temples by our beloved prophet. What a beautiful day for all of us.

Toward the end of World War II, my father was drafted into the German army and sent to the western front, leaving my mother alone to care for our family. Though I was only three years old, I can still remember this time of fear and hunger. We lived in Czechoslovakia, and with every passing day, the war came nearer and the danger grew greater.

Finally, during the cold winter of 1944, my mother decided to flee to Germany, where her parents were living. She bundled us up and somehow managed to get us on one of the last refugee trains heading west. Traveling during that time was dangerous. Everywhere we went, the sound of explosions, the stressed faces, and ever-present hunger reminded us that we were in a war zone.

Along the way the train stopped occasionally to get supplies. One night during one of these stops, my mother hurried out of the train to search for some food for her four children. When she returned, to her great horror, the train and her children were gone!

She was weighed down with worry; desperate prayers filled her heart. She frantically searched the large and dark train station, urgently crisscrossing the numerous tracks while hoping against hope that the train had not already departed.

Perhaps I will never know all that went through my mother’s heart and mind on that black night as she searched through a grim railroad station for her lost children. That she was terrified, I have no doubt. I am certain it crossed her mind that if she did not find this train, she might never see her children again. I know with certainty: her faith overcame her fear, and her hope overcame her despair. She was not a woman who would sit and bemoan tragedy. She moved. She put her faith and hope into action.

And so she ran from track to track and from train to train until she finally found our train. It had been moved to a remote area of the station. There, at last, she found her children again.

I have often thought about that night and what my mother must have endured. If I could go back in time and sit by her side, I would ask her how she managed to go on in the face of her fears. I would ask about faith and hope and how she overcame despair.

While that is impossible, perhaps today I could sit by your side and by the side of any who might feel discouraged, worried, or lonely. Today I would like to speak with you about the infinite power of hope.
The Importance of Hope

Hope is one leg of a three-legged stool, together with faith and charity. These three stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter at the time. The scriptures are clear and certain about the importance of hope. The Apostle Paul taught that the scriptures were written to the end that we “might have hope.”1

Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness.2 Its absence—when this desire of our heart is delayed—can make “the heart sick.”3

Hope is a gift of the Spirit.4 It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His Resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior.5 This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment,6 and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father’s merciful plan of happiness leads to peace,7 mercy,8 rejoicing,9 and gladness.10 The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet;11 it is the foundation of our faith12 and an anchor to our souls.13

Moroni in his solitude—even after having witnessed the complete destruction of his people—believed in hope. In the twilight of the Nephite nation, Moroni wrote that without hope we cannot receive an inheritance in the kingdom of God.14
But Why Then Is There Despair?

The scriptures say that there must be “an opposition in all things.”15 So it is with faith, hope, and charity. Doubt, despair, and failure to care for our fellowmen lead us into temptation, which can cause us to forfeit choice and precious blessings.

The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear.
What, Then, Is Hope?

The complexities of language offer several variations and intensities of the word hope. For example, a toddler may hope for a toy phone; an adolescent may hope for a phone call from a special friend; and an adult may simply hope that the phone will stop ringing altogether.

I wish to speak today of the hope that transcends the trivial and centers on the Hope of Israel,16 the great hope of mankind, even our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

Hope is not knowledge,17 but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future.18 It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance.

In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The prophets of old speak of a “firm hope”19 and a “lively hope.”20 It is a hope glorifying God through good works. With hope comes joy and happiness.21 With hope, we can “have patience, and bear … [our] afflictions.”22
Things We Hope For, Things We Hope In

The things we hope for are often future events. If only we could look beyond the horizon of mortality into what awaits us beyond this life. Is it possible to imagine a more glorious future than the one prepared for us by our Heavenly Father? Because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we need not fear, for we will live forever, never to taste of death again.23 Because of His infinite Atonement, we can be cleansed of sin and stand pure and holy before the judgment bar.24 The Savior is the Author of our Salvation.25

And what kind of existence can we hope for? Those who come unto Christ, repent of their sins, and live in faith will reside forever in peace. Think of the worth of this eternal gift. Surrounded by those we love, we will know the meaning of ultimate joy as we progress in knowledge and in happiness. No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations. “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”26

The things we hope in sustain us during our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow. Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty. Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light.

We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered. Because God has been faithful and kept His promises in the past, we can hope with confidence that God will keep His promises to us in the present and in the future. In times of distress, we can hold tightly to the hope that things will “work together for [our] good”27 as we follow the counsel of God’s prophets. This type of hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair.
Hope Leads to Good Works

We learn to cultivate hope the same way we learn to walk, one step at a time. As we study the scriptures, speak with our Heavenly Father daily, commit to keep the commandments of God, like the Word of Wisdom, and to pay a full tithing, we attain hope.28 We grow in our ability to “abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost,”29 as we more perfectly live the gospel.

There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. Like Father Abraham, we will “against hope [believe] in hope.”30 Or, as one writer expressed, “in the depth of winter, [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.”31

Faith, hope, and charity complement each other, and as one increases, the others grow as well. Hope comes of faith,32 for without faith, there is no hope.33 In like manner faith comes of hope, for faith is “the substance of things hoped for.”34

Hope is critical to both faith and charity. When disobedience, disappointment, and procrastination erode faith, hope is there to uphold our faith. When frustration and impatience challenge charity, hope braces our resolve and urges us to care for our fellowmen even without expectation of reward. The brighter our hope, the greater our faith. The stronger our hope, the purer our charity.

The things we hope for lead us to faith, while the things we hope in lead us to charity. The three qualities—faith, hope, and charity35—working together, grounded on the truth and light of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, lead us to abound in good works.36
Hope from Personal Experience

Each time a hope is fulfilled, it creates confidence and leads to greater hope. I can think of many instances in my life where I learned firsthand the power of hope. I well remember the days in my childhood encompassed by the horrors and despair of a world war, the lack of educational opportunities, life-threatening health issues during youth, and the challenging and discouraging economic experiences as a refugee. The example of our mother, even in the worst of times, to move forward and put faith and hope into action, not just worrying or wishful thinking, sustained our family and me and gave confidence that present circumstances would give way to future blessings.

I know from these experiences that it is the gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that strengthen faith, offer a bright hope, and lead us to charity.

Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us.

With Jeremiah I proclaim, “Blessed is the man … whose hope the Lord is.”37

With Joel I testify, “The Lord [is] the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.”38

With Nephi I declare: “Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.”39

This is the quality of hope we must cherish and develop. Such a mature hope comes in and through our Savior Jesus Christ, for “every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as [the Savior] is pure.”40

The Lord has given us a reassuring message of hope: “Fear not, little flock.”41 God will wait with “open arms to receive”42 those who give away their sins and continue in faith, hope, and charity.

And to all who suffer—to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely—I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.

Never surrender.

Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.

Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart.

Of this I testify and leave you my blessing in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes

1. Romans 15:4.
2. See Psalm 146:5.
3. Proverbs 13:12.
4. See Moroni 8:26.
5. See Moroni 7:41.
6. See Colossians 1:21–23.
7. See Romans 15:13.
8. See Psalm 33:22.
9. See Romans 12:12.
10. See Proverbs 10:28.
11. See 1 Thessalonians 5:8.
12. See Hebrews 11:1; Moroni 7:40.
13. See Hebrews 6:19; Ether 12:4.
14. See Ether 12:32; see also Romans 8:24.
15. 2 Nephi 2:11.
16. See Jeremiah 17:13.
17. See Romans 8:24.
18. See D&C 59:23.
19. Alma 34:41.
20. 1 Peter 1:3.
21. See Psalm 146:5.
22. Alma 34:41.
23. See Alma 11:45.
24. See 2 Nephi 2:6–10.
25. See Hebrews 5:9.
26. 1 Corinthians 2:9.
27. D&C 90:24.
28. See Romans 15:14.
29. Romans 15:13.
30. Romans 4:18.
31. Albert Camus, in John Bartlett, comp., Familiar Quotations, 17th ed. (2002), 790.
32. See Ether 12:4.
33. See Moroni 7:42.
34. Hebrews 11:1.
35. See Moroni 10:20.
36. See Alma 7:24.
37. Jeremiah 17:7.
38. Joel 3:16.
39. 2 Nephi 31:20.
40. 1 John 3:3.
41. D&C 6:34.
42. See Mormon 6:17.

Brag....

2009-03-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

I just have to brag... just a little. My hubby got me the Twilight DVD a whole 13.5 hours early! WOOHOO! I'm sure many of you are jealous... and I get to bask in it! :)

Homesick...

2009-02-24T17:37:00.001-08:00

I've never felt as homesick in my life as I have the past two days. Something in me is crying to get out and go back to Japan. I know I only lived there 3 years but I can't help myself. It's one of my many homes. I miss it terribly sometimes. I miss everything about it, the people, the smells, the food, the beautiful country itself. Just for a "natsukashi" thing, I decided I'd post a picture of a sight I know SO well, the Seiyu by Fussa train station in the city we lived in while we lived there. We used to ride the train alot and we'd go to this Seiyu sometimes and I still remember exactly what it looked like inside, the stairs on the left side of the store, the tall McDonalds just kitty corner from Seiyu... natsukashi na???? This picture might not mean anything to anyone but me... but it's just one of those things I remember so well from living in Japan.

V-Day

2009-02-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

I'm a horrible wife... I just read a bunch of blogs and realized everyone had posted about their Valentines day and I didn't mention ANYTHING about mine. My sweet sweet husband surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of pink French tulips, they were so lovely. He also got me a Doris Day movie, a Renee Olstead cd, and a box of yummy truffles. We didn't do much that day, just watched the Doris Day movie with my family and hung up with them. Whitney and Jon were in town, so it was fun to see them and their cutie patootie boys. I got Chris some naught coupon books and a book called "Why I Love You" which is a book that you answer a bunch of questions in about different reasons you love someone. It's pretty long though so I still haven't finished writing in it. There are so many reasons I love my dear sweet husband. I'm so blessed that he loves me and that we're so well matched. A little too well matched I like to say because we butt heads sometimes but he's so good at forgiving me when I'm too proud or stubborn. He never holds grudges against me for stupid things I do (and that happens a ton!). He loves me for me, and always thinks I look beautiful even when I know that I don't. He's so talented and funny and people just love him as soon as they meet him. He has a kind heart, he's so protective over his family. He would do anything to make sure I'm happy and to keep me safe. Once, we were leaving a Jazz game and I was backing out of my parking space and the guy behind us was a little drunk I guess and didn't like that I supposedly "cut him off". He got out of his car and was banging around on our windows yelling at me and Chris said that he got the ice scraper ready in case the guy tried to hurt us. What a sweetie :) He's so tough! Anyway... I love my dear friend Chris and hope he knows it. LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Cough... cough...

2009-02-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

So Chris had this teeny tiny cold a week or so ago and it only lasted about 2-3 days. I've been feeling a cold coming on for 2 weeks and man has it hit me. My throat is killing me. Okay... maybe not a cold? Maybe strep? I don't know, but whatever it is I feel miserable. And to top it off, last night at about 2:30 am I woke up with the worst pain and nausea in my belly ever. I felt like I was either going to die or throw up. It was horrible. It kept me up until about 6:30 when I finally fell asleep until 7:30. Then I crawled back into bed with Chris where I lay awake until 8:00 and call in to work. I didn't go in until 1:00 because needless to say, I was exhausted. Not a good night. Oh well, I'm feeling much better now in the stomach area, although my throat still hurts. Oh and it's snowed about 6 inches today. Dang snow... that is the worst type of precepitation. I'd rather have rain rain rain, than snow. I hate it. Hate. Snow.

2009-02-13T17:03:00.000-08:00

I know I'm such a hypocrite! I gripe about people not blogging for weeks at a time and what do I go and do.... NOT BLOG FOR WEEKS AT A TIME!!! I'm sorry! I just haven't felt like I've had much to blog about... let's see. Oh I know! We're planning a trip to Disneyland in July for our birthdays. One whole week in the happiest place on Earth! It will be our first real trip we've taken as just the two of us. We went to Nebraska once, but besides our honeymoon, we haven't gone anywhere just the two of us! I'm so excited, I freakin' LOVE Disneyland. If you could live there I'd TOTALLY move! Okay... that's all I have to think of for now. Here is a funny video.

Just.... you know.....

2009-01-24T23:39:00.000-08:00

I am sorry... this may sound a little harsh but I absolutely despise going onto someones blog and not seeing an update for weeks and weeks. I know I am a HUGE offender, but still... is it really so hard to update once in a while? And onto what brought on that rant... so the digital camera I got for Christmas? You know the one I mentioned in a previous blog? Yeah... I asked for that for the exact reason I'm ranting. I wanted to be able to post more pictures in my blogs, with the hopes it would encourage me to blog more! Has it happened yet? Not so far... So tonight's blog will consist of some pictures I've taken since Christmas, nothing too spectacular. Just enough that you can see that I haven't died, fallen off the face of the earth (is that even possible?), or some other such nonsense. Oh and by the way, in case I haven't seen you in the last 3 weeks or so, I cut my hair. Super cute, if I do say so myself. :)

The cutest baby in the ENTIRE world... Brady-chan!
The other cutest baby in the ENTIRE world... Kael - Kun!
Chris and I, just "rannin'" around... Kael looks none too happy to be getting his picture taken, eh?
Oh.... and neither does Brady????

Me and my BEAUTIFUL sister Whitney! Apparently I missed the memo that this WASN'T a silly face picture.... whoops.
You know.... just me and my beautiful self. :)
Aw, me and some ol' guy... oh wait, that's Chris!! (hehe just kidding toots!!)
Patented monkey face.... and a weird Japanese mask face?
Augh!!! What's wrong with you?!

We all need saving...

2009-01-17T08:32:00.000-08:00

You have got to move on

This is not the you I know

This isn't real

It's just all you can feel

And that's the way that feelings go

And whether or not it's right or wrong

You'll do what you will do

But when the cloud in the sky

Starts to pour in your life

It's just a storm you're braving

Well don't tell yourself

You can't lean on someone else

Cause we all need saving sometimes

Say what you will

But the time that we fill

While we are on the earth

Should not be alone

We were meant to be known

You make me what I'm worth

But I can't keep you from yourself

You'll do what you will do

When the cloud in the sky

Starts to pour in your life

It's just a storm you're braving

Well don't tell yourself

You can't lean on someone else

Cause we all need saving

And I don't know

Why it has to be this way

And I don't know

The cure

But please believe someone else has felt this before

When the cloud in the sky

Starts to pour in your life

Well don't tell yourself

You can't lean on someone else

Cause we all need saving sometimes

Just a thought....

2009-01-11T20:54:00.000-08:00

You know, I didn't really post anything about my Christmas, because of what happened with the baby. But I did have a good Christmas, and wanted to quickly post some information regarding that wondrous event. We started out the festivities at Chris' parents house on Christmas eve. Jenni, Denise, and I sent the boys off to a movie (Yes Man) while we set up a "spider's web" of yarn, in every color under the rainbow. Each piece of yarn, in each color, led to a little present. The presents were homemade quilts (thanks Denise and Jenni!) and comfy PJ's (thanks again!), a Christmas tradition. Then we ate yummy hor'dourves and watched "A Muppets Christmas Carol" , then headed off to bed around 12ish. Christmas morning came, and we were INCREDIBLY spoilt (hehe. Chinese spelling.). We got mostly everything we asked for and things we didn't think to ask for but wanted, and things we didn't know we wanted but when we got them we were so excited! Chris got me an iPod, affectionately named Lil' Red, Britney Spears concert tickets (Britney! Here I come!!!), a bunch of movies I wanted that I didn't even ask for but LOVE!! He knows me so well! We got tons of movies and games from his family, too many to name. Oh and I got myself a lil' somtin somtin too. I got myself some Chuck Taylors. Super cute, if I do say so myself! Then we bundled up, and went on over to my parents house. From them I got a digital camera, which I wanted so much! It's super cute, it's pink! I love it! (Thanks mom and dad!!) They also gave me a lovely pearl necklace and some other cute jewelry. We got so much stuff, it took 3 boxes to get it all home!! We're so blessed, and so thankful we have such wonderful families to watch out for us. We love you all so much!

You Make It Real to Me

2009-01-06T16:18:00.000-08:00

There's so much craziness surrounding me

There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe

All my faith has gone you bring it back to me

You make it real for me

Well I'm not sure of my priorities

I've lost site of where I'm meant to be

And like holy water washing over me

You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby

You are the only one who save me

That's why I've been missing you lately

Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong but my heart is weak

I'm full of hurricanes and uncertainty

But I can find the words

You teach my heart to speak

You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby

You are the only one who save me

That's why I've been missing you lately

Cause you make it real for me

Everybodies talking in words

I don't understand

You got to be the only one

Who knows just who I am

And you shine in the distance

I hope I can make it through

Cause the only place

That I want to be

Is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more

I have to learn

But if you're here with me

I know which way to turn

You always give me somewhere,

Somewhere I can learn

You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby

Cause you are the only one who save me

That's why I've been missing you lately

Cause you make it real for me

You make it real for me

Well....

2008-12-30T18:14:00.000-08:00

I survived. I had my D&C today... it wasn't as painful or scary as I thought it would be. The scariest part was the IV by far. It quite terrified me! Apparently, I asked the nurse the same question a couple times after the procedure was over, and I choked on my water (it went down the wrong pipe!), but other than that, I got through it with little to no embarrassment. I'm feeling a little crampy and still a little groggy/dizzy, but nothing too bad. I'll be back to work tomorrow and a follow up appointment in two weeks. It was a long day.... dr's appointment at 11:30, waited for the D&C from 12-2, and out of there by 3:30ish. Then Chris and I chilled at home for a bit while I rested, and then came over to the Kirkham's to celebrate Daniel's super sweet 14. I'm pooped and craving Velveeta Shells and Cheese so off Chris goes to Walmart to get me something yummy to eat... hopefully shells and cheese and lime and salt pop-karn. Well... wish us luck in the future in our attempts to multiply and replenish the earth!!

Retraction of recent post...

2008-12-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

I'd like to retract my most recent post... as it turns out, my baby's sweet spirit was excited to come to earth but it's little body didn't get the memo. For some reason, unknown to me, the baby didn't develop which left me with all the pregnancy symptoms but no baby. Apparently this is very common, know as Anembryonic Gestation, and occurs in around 40% of pregnancies. It usually occurs when the chromosomes don't come together properly or there aren't enough to create a healthy developing fetus. We're sad but know that everything happens for a reason and have faith that this will not hinder our progress as we continue to try to expand our little family. I'm scheduled for a second appointment with my doctor next Tuesday to check one last time and if my belly is still empty, we'll be doing a D&C to get everything out of there (sorry, TMI!) and then Chris and I will decide whether to start trying again right away or to wait a bit before we do. We're both sad (I think I'm a bit more, as I already loved my little baby more than I can express...) but we know that our Heavenly Father will help us to deal with this and move on. Thank you all for your love and support and we appreciate everything you do for us.

Tag 7's

2008-11-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

Well Whitty tagged me, so here I go.... go.... go.... go.... go.... go.... go.........

7 things I can do:
1. I can cry at the drop of a hat (I literally cry at everything)
2. I can make a mean a-spicey pasgetti sauce
3. I can beat the Prince of Persia video game in 3 days!
4. I can say lot's of Japanese swear words
5. I can play Rock Band on hard
6. I can play the piano
7. I can maneuver my way around the New York subway system

7 things I can't do:
1. I can't wait until I can give Chris his Christmas gifts
2. I can't wait wait until I see Whitney and Jon and the babies
3. I can't wait until I don't have to work anymore
4. I can't understand discrimination on any level
5. I can't believe that I love Dragonball as much as do
6. I can't wait to find out what my kids will be like and look like
7. I can't wait until Jesus Christ comes again

7 things that attracted you to your significant other:
1. His sense of humor
2. His acceptance of my past
3. His love of Japan and the connection it has to the two of us
4. His faith in things bigger than himself
5. His creative nature
6. His love of his family and of mine
7. His ability to love me despite myself

7 things that I say most often:
1. I love you!
2. Thank you for calling National Fitness. This is Cassidy, how can I help you?
3. Chris, can you ____? (fill in the blank)
4. Me and I (I'm a pretty selfish person)
5. I'm hungry
6. I'm getting full already
7. I have a headache/stomachache/backache/___ache

7 favorite foods:
1. Japanese food fo' sho'
2. Apple Roast and Mashed potatoes
3. Ribs
4. Chicken Tikka Masala (Star of India has the best around!)
5. New York style pizza (SO FREAKIN' GOOD!)
6. Cereal
7. A nice, juicy, steak

7 celebrity admirations
1. Peter Facinelli and Jenny Garth, the most normal celebrity couple in the world
2. President Hinckley for showing the world that you can be good and have a good sense of humor at the same time.
3. Ben Stiller (this might be a dumb reason) for putting a clause into his contract that he has to have his mom, dad, or both parents in every movie he makes, showing us family is important.
4. Amanda Bynes for still being a decent girl and making me laugh my head off. (I agree with Whit on this one!)
5. Scarlett Johansson for embracing her curves, curves are sexy!
6. Glenn Beck, for not being afraid to share his testimony and stand up for what's right on National TV
7. George W. Bush for being a president who always did what he thought was right, and stood up for what he thought was good and true, and didn't apologize for his beliefs.

I tag Jenny, Jo, Chris, Raquel, Nickole, Jordan, and my mom

These are a few of my favorite things...

2008-11-17T17:43:00.003-08:00

In case you couldn't already tell.... I'm slightly excited for Christmas! To me, November 1st is just the start of the entire Christmas season (so it lasts 2 months instead of just 1!) So I thought I'd make a list of some of my favorite things about Christmas....

AWESOME Christmas movies, particularly White Christmas (which I've been known to watch throughout the year, not just at Christmas time!)

The lights at Temple Square, truly one of the most beautiful, awe inspiring Christmas sights.

Sleigh bells.... they have a magical quality.

Comfy Christmas Jammies! Need I say more?

Fabulous hot chocolate.

I don't particularly love Egg Nog but it's a Christmas staple.

Homemade fudge! Yum!

Santa Claus!

Delicious Christmas cookies, decorated all beautifully!

Seeing presents underneath the tree...

I LOVE Candy Canes!

Peanut Brittle... so scrumptious!

Christmas Trees! They are so fun to put up and decorate and look so lovely.

Explanation of the blog photo....

2008-11-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

Just so everyone knows, I wanted to put up a "Christmas-y picture" for my blog title and this was the most Christmasy that I had (see the nutcrackers behind me?). Just ignore the lil' Thom Yorke, weird bear, and such and pretend you're there with me, enjoying opening my presents.

Osu! Ora Son Goku da!

2008-11-09T00:14:00.001-08:00

Here is a picture from the upcoming Dragonball Z movie, due out in April.

Natester-potatster

2008-11-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

I know you're all DYING of curiosity to figure out what the title of my blog means.... well.... it's the nickname of my lil' bro, Nathan. I just wanted to write a little something about how much he means to me. The past few years have been hard on him, with moving, and things that have been going on with my other brother and within our family, and I know a lot of times he feels lonely since he's the only one at home now, but he's the coolest ever. He's always so sweet, and when we hang out he just busts up laughing at everything and I can't help but be in a good mood when I'm around him. When I'm having a bad day, he just gives me a hug and I feel my mood lift right up. He's such a joy to be around and I know he brings a lot of joy to my parents as well. He's obedient (most of the time), and sweet, and smart, and he loves school and learning. I just wanted him to know how much I love my little rock band buddy... who sadly enough isn't so little anymore. Here's to you Nato-potato! I love ya!

Lovers in Japan...

2008-11-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

Was there ever a blog title more appropriate than this one on this day? So.... it's Chris and I's (is that right?) 2 year wedding anniversary today, and I'd like to reflect on the country that brought us together, Japan. Maybe it's dumb, cheesy, lame, but honestly we both have so many connections, it's no wonder that's where we ended up meeting. My dad, and his dad both served missions there, his uncles, and a cousin served their missions there, both of our fathers served in the Air Force on Yakota AFB, and Chris served his mission there. What a wondeful place to live. I have to admit, lately I've been feeling awful natsukashi and homesick for Japan. If I could go back I would in a heartbeat. The people are so kind and helpful, they try their hardest to make you comfortable and to help you find your way. The food is, in a word, AMAZING. And what a culture, filled with so much history, so much art and music. If you ever get the chance to go, do it. You'll come back and feel as I do, that part of your heart was left behind. And in honor.....

Chris, I love you to bits. You're the most wonderful person I know, always so kind and sweet to me. I know I don't deserve you, and I'm sorry I'm not a better wife but thank you for being patient and loving me despite myself. Kokoro kara ai shiite orimasu.

Happy Halloween!!

2008-11-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

So Halloween was.... interesting.... to say the least. I decided that the older I get, the less I enjoy dressing up and going to parties, and the more I enjoy hanging out at home, eating yummy food and passing out treats to all the lil' cuties coming around. Chris and I dressed up for the heck of this year, and I was super excited to be my favorite Twilight character, Alice Cullen, and Chris was "Action Figure Chris!". We went to my cousin Joleen's 2nd Annual Hallopolooza and then came back home and watched "Kaiki Dai Kazoku" (The Great Horror Family - a fabulous Japanese Horror/Comedy tv series) and then went to bed around 1:00ish. It was a pretty fun night overall, but I don't know that I'll be dressing up next year. Here are a couple pictures for your enjoyment. First of myself and Katie-chan at work, and the next is of me, Chris, Matt and Raquel (white-trash twins) and Jo (Jo, the plumber). In the second one, you can kinda see my "Vampire" eyes, they were golden contacts.

But how will I ever get better if I always do it on easy?

2008-10-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated in a while, and I just wanted to write really quickly about how grateful I am for my life. I know things don't always go as planned, but while I was talking with my friend Katie last night while we were working out, I realized just how blessed I am. I've gone through some pretty crappy things throughout my life, but if I hadn't been through those, I wouldn't be where I am now. When Chris, Daniel, Jordan, and I were playing Rock Band the other day, I was complaining about how hard a song was to play and Chris said "Just change the difficulty." and I replied "Yeah, but how will I ever get better if I always do it on easy?" Call me crazy for associating a Rock Band experience with life, but it hit me how profound that statement truly was. How can we ever get better if we always do it on easy? This life wasn't meant to be all "fun and games" so we can skip through. We were sent here to learn, and to grown, and to become more like our Savior, who as we know didn't have an easy life. And although it's no fun to go through those rough patches in our lives, what better way to become who we're meant to be than to be put through a refiners fire. That's the time your true spirit and character are brought out. It's all too easy to want to give up, but the true heroes in our lives should be the people who don't give up, who smile throughout their troubles and trials. A song that I love, that speaks directly to that part of my heart, is Smile...

Smile tho' your heart is aching,
Smile even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,
If you Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

"Falling" in love....

2008-10-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

I’ve been lax in updating my blog lately, at least with positive things or updates…. So here goes!

I went to Chicago for a tradeshow, Club Industry

, which is an annual tradeshow for the health club industry. It was super fun! I learned a lot, and towards the end of the second day, I think I did my best work. I got to meet a few of the clients we did billing for (Hi everybody!!) and got to eat some good food! It was busy, and my feet were killing me (that’s the problem with wearing 3 ½ inch stilettos to a tradeshow for 2 days straight, DON’T DO IT!) but other than that, it was a great learning experience and I thoroughly enjoyed myself! Plus, I’d never been to Chicago and I thought that was one of the best things about the trip. What a beautiful city!

We also got to go to

on Saturday night the 18th.... "It's what FUN is!". No seriously, it was a lot of fun. We didn't go into any haunted houses but we're planning on going again on Friday and we'll go then.

I love this time of the year... I love all the leaves changing colors,

pumpkin patches,

chili and cornbread,

autumn rain,

... Everything about autumn is wondeful to me.

I hereby declare.....

2008-10-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

that I have the most fantabulous family of all history and time. It's very true. I was talking (well texting) with my cousin Nickole (Hi Nickole!) and realized how incredibly amazing my family is. When all of this happened recently with Spencer, the calls and texts started pouring in. Within literally 2 hours of finding out he had left, my cousin Joleen called me. Nickole has texted me frequently the past few weeks making sure I'm okay. Me and my sister Whit have been emailing. But the outpouring of love that I've felt from everyone is indescribable. Families are eternal, and I couldn't imagine spending forever with another family, or with one who was less concerned and interested in each others lives. It's like every tragedy, every triumph, every bump in the road, and every happy occassion is felt by all. I love my family, they are the best.

Quantam of Solace

2008-10-08T17:43:00.001-07:00

Hurray for James Bond.... and HURRAY! for Jack White and Alicia Keys!

Quantum Of Solace Music Exclusive

Dedicated to my brother...

2008-10-08T13:54:00.001-07:00

Okay, just a quick update. I guess my parents saw Spencer the other day, he's alive and well...

I just wanted to dedicate the words to this song to him, because these days it's so easy to lose our way and forget who we are, but we should always keep it in our hearts that "we're still our Father's child".

Strong and wise, captivating eyes, magnificent being.
Sprit bright, emanating light, now hid from our seeing.
You forget who you are, you who outshone the stars,
Amazing smile, you are your Father's child.

Son of man at the Lord's right hand, annointed as Savior.
Power and grace, filling endless space, reduced to a manger.
He'd forget who He was, He who outshone the sun,
yet all the while, He was His Father's child.

Now there were none before or after like Him,
He was God with us and is God still.
In life and death, His love for us defined Him,
And to do His Father's will,
and so He came to save,
Because you are your Father's child.

Here and now, when the fire goes out,
And it keeps you from singing,
When sad and gray seem to steal away
All joy and all meaning.
When you're broken in two, when your heart says your through....
Come alive, you're still your Father's child.
Find that smile... and be your Father's child.

I love you Spencer, and I'll never give up on you....

Kinda makes you wanna pee your pants, don't it?

2008-10-06T13:43:00.001-07:00

Okay.... maybe not everyone but I definitely had that reaction. This is going to be SWEEEEEET!

Umm.... just a lil' something.

2008-10-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

Strugglin'...

2008-09-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

As if life couldn't get worse, along with the melancholy feeling I can't seem to shake, and other personal "Yokai" I'm personally facing, my brother has done it yet again. I want to give a brief history of what struggles have happened within my family in the last 4 years, because I know most people aren't familiar with them and I'd like to get them out on the table and off my chest. My brother has struggled with substance abuse for some time, and in the past 4-5 years has run away from home too many times to count, has gone through rehab 2-3 times, has stolen from my family multiple times, and is just making poor choices in general. It always seems to be this time of year, right around October, that he chooses to run away. And it always seems to be when I'm home with my brother while my parents are out of town on a trip. So he's run away again, with no indication to where he's gone, no way to contact him, no money (other than that he has received for the payment on stolen goods), and no hope in my heart that he'll return anytime soon. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like this huge chunk of my heart goes missing each time he does, and that something I did caused him to leave. Why couldn't I be a better sister? Why couldn't I love him more, listen more, show him more that I cared for him? SHould I have invited him to Lagoon on Saturday? Maybe he would have changed his mind? Should I have invited him to live with Chris and I? What could I have done? And though I know the answer to each of these questions and that I couldn't have done anything to stop him from choosing to leave if that's what he wantd to do, it doesn't stop my heart from breaking each and every time I think about him. It's honestly breaking in two. I think of the worst time that anyone ever hurt me and this is a million times that feeling. And then I think of my parents and the heartache they must be feeling and I feel that I'm sinking into a deep, dark ocean and there is no hope for me, I'll probably drown and be there forever. I know I was bitter and mean and hurtful at times, and that is what kills me the most. Why couldn't I see the future and what my actions would have done to him? I understand we all have our agency and that the Lord will never force us to make correct choices, but I wish I better understood the motivation behind his actions. I wish he'd confide in me. I wish I knew how to help him better. To tell you the truth (and this is no hard feelings at all, just a random thought) it always hurt my feelings that he would talk to Whitney before he'd talk to me. Granted, we never got along that well to begin with, but I always thought that with what I had gone through, he'd trust me to understand his feelings and the reasons he did things better than anyone else. He trusted my husband better than he trusted me as his sister and that made me feel about as helpful as ice to an Eskimo. Anyway... enough with the vent session... I just pray that he's safe and knows how much we all love him, myself included (even if I didn't show it very well).

...Spencer, please just know that all this is true. We all love you....mom, dad, Whitney, Jon, Kael, Brady, Nathan, Chris and myself, and ALL our extended family. We all pray for you daily and hope you're safe and that nothing bad has happened to you. The Lord loves you, no matter how you may rebel against that, it will never change. If nothing else, please let us know that you're safe and out of harms way... I love you more than you can ever imagine... Love your sister, Cassidy Mae.

Light up your face with gladness....

2008-09-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Missing something?

2008-09-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you miss or are missing something, but you can't put your finger on it? Like you've lost something, but what could it be? I feel that way today. Like I somethings missing, but it's something I never had to begin with. I just can't figure this feeling out. My heart feels broken, my chest feels hollow and empty, and I have absolutely no reason to feel this way. It makes me feel like a little child, who just watched my ice-cream fall on the floor. Right before you start crying and it seems like everything is all muddled together and you can't quite see straight... like I have a permanent "cry-lump" in my throat. It's the most frustrating, melancholy feeling and I can't seem to shake it. Actually, it's been that way for about 2 weeks now. Is it just depression, or something more? I've tried to pray about it, read my scriptures, read my patriarcal blessing, but nothing seems to help. I just can't figure it out for the life of me.... If anyone has any suggestions, or words of advice, help is more than welcome.

Tribute...

2008-09-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's because my dad was in the military and I grew up around soldiers... but I'm so proud of my dad, my grandpas, my father-in-law, every single soldier I know for doing what they do. Today is September 11, 2008, 7 years from the date the Twin Towers and Pentagon were hit, and yes, we've had a long hard road, but I couldn't be more proud or supportive of those willing to risk their lives for us. I love our country, and I'd glady die to defend it, if that's what it came down to. I hope everyone remembers all the sacrifices made so that they could say what they

Boohoo...

2008-09-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

I went home from work early today... I have the worst headache I have had in a LONG time. It's bordering on a migraine... yuck. So I'm home now, well at my in-laws, just trying to rest. I decided I'd catch up a bit on everyones blogs. I love blogging.... it's wonderful!

I just had to rant a bit about the upcoming election. (Thanks mom, for getting me all fired up about politics!! hehe) I REFUSE to live in a socialist society. It is absolutely disgusting that that is where this country could be in a year. I will not let my hard earned money be split up even more than it already is to support a lazy person and allow them to be even more lazy. I work hard for what I earn and already I get about 25% of my income taken for taxes! IF I wanted to live in a socialist society, I'd move to freakin' France. I REFUSE to support a leader who thinks it's okay to allow a baby, who survives a late term abortion, to be refused medical attention. Whenever I think about that... I picture my sweet nephews, Kael and Brady, and wonder who would be sick enough to hurt them and then refuse to help make it better????? It makes me physically ill to think about the state our country would be in if this person makes it to office. Please, please, PLEASE think about who it is you are voting for this year and make sure you understand why. Are you voting for someone simply because it's trendy? Or are you voting for someone because you truly know and understand the issues and how they are going to fix them? ANYWAY.... If you even think about posting a comment about this that will make me mad, don't do it. Because I have this blog for a reason, and that is so I can say whatever I want.

Thank you.

Crafty Cassy.....

2008-09-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

I just had to brag a little..... oh what 3 cans of black spray paint and some lovely fabric can do. I've masterfully redone a chair, re-upholstered it, and painted two lamps from a hideous turquoise to a beautiful satin black, all in one day! Here is the chair (okay I don't really have a before cause I don't think ahead) before....

The cushion is a beautiful sagey green with graphic flower print... so pretty!

AND AFTER!!!!

Here's the lamp...

... and here's me, happy to be done!

Hurray for crafty days!

Worst...week...ever...

2008-09-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say that last week was one of the worst weeks I've had at work in the (almost) 3 years I've been at National Fitness. I won't go into the details... but lets just say that this... ...was me, literally every day last week. Let's pray this week goes more smoothly, eh?

WOOHOO!!

2008-09-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

Check out these pictures... from the soon to be released (Oct 17) trailer for Dragonball. Also a new poster featuring Emmy Rossum as Bulma. I can hardly contain my excitement!

New nephew....

2008-08-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

For all those wondering, Whitney had her baby on Friday, 8/22/08, around 6ish. He's so sweet and perfect. His name is Brady Kremin Muir. My mom said he looks just like Whitney when she was a baby, to which Jon replied (very sarcastically), "Great, he looks just like a girl." and me, being the facetious sister I am, responded, "Or maybe Whitney just looked like a boy!" ha ha I'm so funny!! (Whitney did NOT look like a boy, nor does Brady look like a girl, they both look like their respective genders, thank you very much.) Anyway, he was 9 lbs 9 oz, 21 inches of pure sweetness. Thank heavens everything went well, poor Whitney did not want to have another c-section, and our prayers were answered. She gave birth after about 16 hours of hard labor. Good for you sis! I'm so proud of you and the wonderful mother you've become. Beep beep zoom!

Natsukashii da na?!

2008-08-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Chris today and all of the sudden, I just ramdomly remembered a TV show I used to LOVE growing up.... got me to thinking of all the TV shows I loved. Let's see if you remember any of these, shall we?

Under The Umbrella Tree

Today's Special

Fraggle Rock

Sharon, Lois, and Bram's Elephant Show

Eureka's Castle

David the Gnome

Lamb Chop Play Along

Gem and the Holograms

Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego?

The Popples

The Wuzzles

Zoobilee Zoo

And now, just for good measure, Banjo the Woodpile Cat.... a Don Bluth classic that no one seems to remember :(.
Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 3

New babies... little sweet 'ums.

2008-08-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here, at my sister's house, just surfing the net (I hardly know what to do with myself if I'm not at work!) and she's at the hospital, having her second baby. It really gets me to thinking, about eternal families, about life and love, how we should live our lives to the best of our ability and make the best of the lot we've been given. I think it's so hard to look back and feel regret, to see situations you know you should have acted differently, but we need to live so we have no regret. So we don't miss the opportunities that could/should have been. When I have children, I want to be able to tell them that I lived my dreams, that the things I did were the things I wanted to do and I lived with no regrets. But I know that most people have regrets.. let them go and live your life.

On another note... I know a lot of you have asked lately, and no, we're not having kids yet. It's our own choice. Not that I don't want kids someday, but right now the timing is off. The only baby that makes me wish I was a mom is Kael-kun, and I can give him back at the end of the day. Oh well.... I know that the Lord will let us know when the time is right. I just think it's so amazing that our Heavenly Father entrusts in us these sweet little spirits, to raise as our own, to teach and guide and be an example to. What an amazing, wonderful responsibility! It's definitely not one we can or should take for granted. I can't imagine life without my little brothers or my sweet nieces or nephews, or any of the other babies and kids in this world. They make our lives complete.

Just some random ramblings I thought about this morning. I love you all!

Family fun in Yellowstone!

2008-08-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

OK, sorry Jenni, I stole these from your slideshow cause I realized I'm the only one who didn't make a post about this awesome trip! Here are a few pictures of us on our fun family trip to Yellowstone and Jackson Hole from this summer.

One at the Antler Arch

Yes... that is Gary Cole, a famous actor!

Another at the Arch

Sorry Chris, I met the true man of my dreams and he wears a 'coon skin hat.

ANOTHER at the Arch (yes... the Arch is what I live for.)

About me!!!

2008-08-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

...About You...

Nickname - Oh I have many... Cassidilla, Casstacoma, Peanut, Girlish, Muffin, Cassfrass, Cassidillpickle.... the list goes on and on.

Sex - Girl

Eye Color - Light Green

Hair Color - Dyed black, normally a brownish reddish color.

Height - 5'3"

Favorite Color - Green, yellow, red, black, white

Screen Name - Goldfyshi927

Car - Ford Escort

Your Hometown - Vernal, Utah

Your Present Town - Ogden, Utah

Your Crush's First Name - Steven Urey!

Your Grade - None

Your Style - Um... I guess classic with a touch of trendy? I'm not sure!

...Favorites...

Band - Silverchair, Coldplay, White Stripes... I've got a few

Movie - Sense and Sensibility, Love Actually, Singing in the Rain, Spirited Away , The Fall

TV show - Pushing Daisies, The Office

Song - Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love by Coldplay, The Denial Twist by the White Stripes, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

Cigarette - Ew gross.

Pastime movie - Huh? What is that?

...Have You Ever...

Sat on your rooftop - Yes, I burned my feet up there once in the summer! It hurt!

Kissed someone in the rain - No boohoo

Danced in a public place - Of course

Smiled for no reason - No, I always have a reason to smile. That's a dumb question.

Laughed so hard you cried - Nope.

Peed your pants after age 8 - No.

Written a song - Yes, it was a rap actually but I don't really remember the words.

Sang to someone for no reason - Yes

Performed on a stage - Not for a while

Talked to someone you don't know - Yes, every day.

Made out in a theater - Yes, just like once or twice though.

Gone roller skating since 8th grade - Nope

Been in love - Of course!

A near death experience - I like to think my life is that full of adventure, but no.

Sang in front of a large audience - Yep.

...Can You...

Write with both hands - Yes but it's very sloppy with my left hand.

Whistle - Sort of.

Blow a bubble - Who can't?

Roll your tongue - Yep

Cross your eyes - Yes but I used to not be able to. I can also make them shake back and forth really fast, it's kinda freaky.

Touch your tongue to your nose - Yes!

Dance - Heck no! I'm a horrible dancer!

Speak a different language - A little Japanese and a little Spanish

Impersonate someone - I'd like to think I can but I guess my impersonation isn't so good.

Cook anything - Yes I cook some mean pasta sauce!

...Are you a...

Fighter - If I need to be

Smoker - Ew no.

Drinker - Nope.

Stalker - Yes, I love stalking people. It's great fun.

Man eater - I don't know what that is.

Man hater - Nope. I love men.

Lover - Yes, a fantastic lover.

War freak - No way... I hate war!

Heartbreaker - I guess so, I know I've broken a few.

In love - Yes I sure am.

Bossy - I can be, but I don't necessarily want or mean to be.

Friendly - I try to be friendly to everyone.

...More...

What is your current mood? Bored... on my lunch break.

Does your crush like you back? I believe so :)

What makes you happy? Lots of things! I won't put a list but I'm generally a happy person.

Name one thing you do alot - Work and Sleep

Name someone with the same b-day as you - Um... I don't know.

Are you comfortable with your height - Sometimes, sometimes I want to be taller though.

...Finish The Line...

If I were a ... popsicle, I'd be a grape otter pop.

I wish ... I was rich and could do whatever I wanted rather than having to depend on my bi-weekly paycheck to pay my bills. Yuck.

I am ... turning into an old lady. I go to bed so early these days! :)

My heart is ... a little broken over some stuff that happened a while ago, but it's mending.

Pet Peeves ... Laziness, lying, tardiness, interuppting, gossip

Spider or a piece of hair.... oh and some miracles?

2008-08-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone else has this creep sensation, but I've been noticing it a LOT. It might be because I was watching TV the other day and the

BIGGEST SPIDER EVER!

...climbed up the blanket I was using and I had to squash it and then I saw another that was just as big like 2 minutes later and it freaked me out.... but anyway. Lately, about 2 or 3 times a day, I have the feeling that something is crawling up my arm. Or sometimes I feel like it's just a piece of hair tickling me. Either way, it creeps me out! I can't stand it...

Onto something else... my sister is having her baby on Friday and I'm so excited. I thought it was so nice of my work, because I was trying to find someone who could switch me shifts on Friday so I could get off early and go out and see her and my boss, Charese, just came up to me and told me I could just have the day off! How nice was that! I wanted to cry.... it was really the nicest thing ever!!!

Blessings. Really, it's surprising when and how the Lord knows how to bless you. I have been kinda stressed (okay REALLY stressed) lately about paying tuition, tithing, pretty much anything that costs $$ stresses me out lately. So I was thinking a lot about money and where we were going to get the money to pay for the rest of Chris' school and whatnot, and my manager called me into his office to discuss a client. After we talked about the client, I was getting ready to leave, and he asked me to sit back down. I was kind of nervous, because he had a bunch of paperwork in his hand, and I thought I was in trouble for something (I'm a huge worry wart. :) ). After I sat back down, he proceeded to tell me that they (being management and my team leads) wanted to let me know how much they appreciate and recognize all my hard work (I swear I'm not bragging, this is what he said!) and so they were giving me a $750.00 bonus on my next paycheck!!!! WHAT?!?! I was so suprised, because lately I was just so stressed about money. Once again, I almost cried. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I didn't think I was doing that good of a job, but I guess I was.

I'm so thankful for small little miracles like that. They are what make this life worth living.

Guilty Pleasures

2008-08-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

I just set up a playlist of my guilty pleasure songs (which I won't torture you with.... it's pretty bad) but it got me to thinking... what are my guilty pleasures? I'm sure you're all interested in finding out, am I right?! Here goes:

1. Coffee flavored ANYTHING! Ice cream, candy, cakes.... you name it.

I know I shouldn't drink it, and I have to be very careful with this one to make sure it's just flavoring and not actually coffee, but I just can't resist eating anything and everything coffee flavored. I admit I used to drink it, it is so delish, but I don't anymore. This is one of my vices. :)

2. Japanese Animation

I love Japanese Animation. Blame this one on my husby, Chris, who introduced me to Dragonball with no hope that I'd like it. Well... at first I hated it but now I love it! We just finished up the entire series of Dragonball (453 episodes) spanning over the entire length of our marriage until now.

We've started on Yu Yu Hakusho now... also very awesome.

I've also finished up with Fruits Basket (geared more towards girls) ...

and we've watched quite a bit of Death Note.

Crayon Shin-chan is also great... although very irreverent. LOVE IT!!

3. SpongeBob Squarepants

This one's not so guilty but I do love it. It's freaking HILARIOUS!

4. Shoes...

I love shoes... they are the best creation ever made by man. They are so fabulous I don't even need to put anything in here about them. They speak for themselves.

5. The Sims/America's Next Top Model

These are both favorites of mine and so I lucked out when I found this.... The SIMS Next Top Model. How awesome is that. I love the cat fights, mean comments, backstabbing, anorexic little girls... how much drama can you fit into one hour? This ANTM is a prime example of just how much is possible. The Sims allows me to control others lives... not that I'm controlling but hey, it sure is fun!

6. The Labryinth

The Labyrinth is a masterpiece. IF you haven't seen it, you're missing something incredible. Just go rent it, that's all I'm going to say.

7. Who Want's to Be a Superhero?

If you haven't had the chance to see this, you'll need to check it out. It may not be playing anymore.... I'm not quite sure. I really only liked the first season of it. I loved Major Victory but hated that he lost. He lost to a freakin' idiot, Feedback.... what a wet lettuce. Yuck.

8. Videogames
(*DISCLAIMER* I don't pick video games based on the hotness level of the main character. It was by pure and simple coincidence that they all happened to have good looking guys in them.)
I love videogames. They are so much fun... I don't understand why EVERYONE doesn't play them more. Some of my favorites are:

Hitman

The Prince of Persia

Assassin's Creed

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune

Half-Life (Chris erased my game so I've had a hard time finishing this one)

F.E.A.R.

9. Hotel Babylon

Found only on BBC, it's basically a nighttime soap opera. Chris and I became quickly addicted after we checked it out one night. It's full of drama, good looking people, humor... total guilty pleasure.

10. Gourmet chocolates with odd fillings
Yes I bought a box of gourmet chocolates for 70.00. They were fabulous. With such flavors as lavendar, saffron, sea salt caramel, champagne. I can't help myself. Gourmet chocolates are too hard to resist.

Blippidyblah....

2008-08-12T16:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry! I know I know... I just had to post this. It's a fan-made Dragonball trailer, but it was really well made and it just pumped me up. We just finished the entire series (minus GT because it doesn't count as real Dragonball) and I'm honestly a bit sad. It was a fun time, getting to know the characters and you start to care about them....okay I sound really lame now so I'll stop. But check this out! It's so awesome!

Ulmn'd

2008-08-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

I know you've all missed it... don't be ashamed!